hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 33

please vote and comment :)

Songs:

Ribs - Lorde

Team - Lorde

Tennis Court - Lorde

Dear Daisy,

Now that I read my previous letter, I feel guilty. I just want to apologize for writing down that I want to fall in love again. But it's true. I want to love again, I want to kiss someone again, wether I have feeling towards them or not.

It's been five months. Five fucking months that I've been craving you, I wanted you all this time, praying for you to come back in some mysterious way. I haven't even looked at any other women since you passed away. You mean too much to me to move on, but I mean too much to me as well, not to.

I want to be with you Dase, I want to kiss you and hold you close to me. I want to marry you and I want to make you pregnant. I want to raise our kids with you. I want to come home from work and kiss you, then I want to ask you about your day and how the kids have been. I want to kiss them too and read them stories. I want to help them with their homework and bring them to school. Then I want to have sex with you while no one's at home. I want something I can call home, but by now I've learned it the hard way, that home isn't a place. Home is a person.

You were my home, you kept me warmer than any radiator could ever have. You were more comfortable than any bed in the whole world. You were so much my home, that somewhere along the way, I didn't feel like I needed a place anymore. I needed you.

But we both know that all of this is in my head, it's a dream that I have, a dream that will never ever ever fulfill itself. I won't ever live my dreams, I can replay them in my head as much as I want, I can sleep twenty hours straight and dream it. But never in a million years will I ever live it. I won't ever live my dream.

Sad isn't it? Every person in the world has some kind of dream, there are those dreams that are possible but very unlikely, then there are those dreams that you can pay for and they are fulfilled. There are dreams you have to work for and dreams you need luck for. Then there's the people who have dreams like me. Dreams that you could actually give up on because really, it makes no sense to have them anyway. I could also just find something else to look up to, I could find a hobby like play football to distract myself.

The thing is, Dase, I don't want to. I like having this dream, it reminds me that I do have a heart, even if it didn't do shit the last five months, it is right there, somewhere in my body. To be honest, I think even my heart is tired of doing nothing but beating, beating slowly, may I add.

You don't really feel your heart, even though you know it's there, making your blood circulate and making you stay alive. Not you Daisy, people in general.

I wish your heart would still work. You'd still be here. But that's ok, I got used to it. To you not being here, I mean. I think it's ok for you to be away, now I realized that it would be really unnecessary still thinking you'd come back.

There actually was that time, only days after your death, I thought you weren't dead, I even told myself that I can see you.

What a pathetic mess I am.

Anyway Dase, I'm going to call that guy for the flat now, hopefully I'll move so very soon. Maybe one day I'll have a home again.

I love you Daisy

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I'm sorry for this really short chapter!

But thank you for over 7.2k reads, I love you all!

I LOVE YOU