hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 5

Dear Daisy,

I really wanna bring some good news, but it's hard at times like these, you know? Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life right now, goes wrong. My boss just showed up, only to find me opening the door, looking like a complete mess. He told me that he had to fire me, since I didn't show up at work for the last 3 weeks and didn't answer his calls. I couldn't tell him what happened, I could never say those words. I think them and I write them but I could never tell someone that my Daisy died. He shouted at me for not responding and for ignoring him, but I couldn't let a single tone fall from my lips, I tired but I couldn't. My mouth stayed shut until he slapped my face, then finally I was able to say something. I said that I was sorry and that I had a lot going on at the moment. I didn't ask him for mercy, I don't need the job anyway since I'll join you soon. When he finally left, I headed directly to the bathroom. I opened the ark under the sink to get my razor. I started cutting my left upper arm this time, the scars on the other one were still too fresh.

I smiled at the thought of you kissing the scars and making all the pain disappear. I smile a lot when thinking of you, lately it's going better, I only cry at night when I fall asleep. That's when I miss you the most. I miss you being tired from your long work day but still having sex with me, I miss the endless goodnight kisses we exchanged until one of us finally fell asleep. I miss being the first one to wake up and watch you sleep. I even miss the nights we fought, and at the end the laughs we had because the reason was so pointless. And I miss ordering food, the way your voice changes when you talk to someone you don't know. To be honest I miss everything, it's just that those memories only come up right before I fall asleep. I always say to myself that all I had to be is patient, we'll have thousands more memories once we're together again. We'll laugh and we'll kiss, I will feel you again and we'll have sex again. I miss having sex with you and I miss talking to you and I miss brushing your hair while watching TV. I miss the meals you cooked me and I miss smiling like a complete idiot when you look at me. I even miss your bad jokes. I always pretend to laugh because seeing you upset would ruin my whole day. But we'll have all of this once I'm with you. It's just a matter of time Daisy.

Yesterday, I even brang myself to do some cleaning. I washed all of your clothes and folded them up just the way you did. I put them back in your closet and closed the door in hope to never have to open it again. I said to myself that it would only bring me down to see all of your things laying around in the flat. So I put everything in your closet and I won't open it again. All I kept was your favourite shirt, I sprayed your perfume on it. It lays on your side of the bed right now, always when I feel like smelling you, which is very often, I take it and cuddle with it. I hold it as tight as I can, just like I used to hold you. It sounds pretty lonely, but that's what I am. But I have a plan, we have a plan. And no one can take us our plan away, it will work out. We'll find a way to be happy again, together.

You know I've been thinking a lot about your last words, I mean the ones you said to me. Remember you said 'I love you Harry, I'll call you later.' Isn't it funny that the very last word you said to me was 'later'? It's like later, we'll see each other again. Like Harry join me later. It's like you want me to come.

Just wait baby, I'll come soon, you know I will. I promised you, and you know that I keep my promises, don't you Daisy? I can't wait to be near you again, just watching you makes my day, imagine us, in a world where nothing bad can happen, we'll have kids and we'll be happy just like we pictured it.

I love you Daisy