hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 17

Songs:

Dear No One - Tori Kelly

Wings - HAERTS

Hero - Family Of The Year

Something Great - One Direction

Dear Daisy,

I'm sorry for not writing you in the past week, I had a lot going on. As you know, I've been looking for a job, and I finally found one. Yesterday was my first day. I am now an official writer. I write for a magazine in the city, every week I have to write about a different topic, share my opinion and write a bit about it. I think it's an amazing job, I always had a passion for writing and now I'm getting paid for it. Of course I'll send you my different works as well, everything is somehow related to you, no matter what word, I'll find a way to connect it with you. I think you deserve to know what I'm writing. My first article has to be about forgiveness. I think forgiveness is a quite easy topic, we had a lot of forgiveness in our relationship. We always used to fuck things up at the beginning, mostly me. You heard a lot of sorry's leaving my lips. And you always forgave me, for every stupid thing I've done, you always said it's ok Harry or fine I forgive you. And in those moments I felt weight fall of my shoulders, I felt less guilty, I felt better knowing that you're not angry at me anymore. That was the circle we always were stuck in.

I fucked things up.

We fought.

I said I was sorry.

And then you forgave me.

The next thing I need to get fixed is the thing with the flat. I really don't think I can stand living here any longer. There are so many memories coming up when I look at your toothbrush, I can't toss it away, it would be like tossing a part of you away. Those kind of things are the only ones that I still have, that stayed when you left. I would look at the toothbrush and imagine you using it, I would imagine teasing you until you split everything out because of laughter. I would imagine you brushing your hair in the bathroom and I would watch you, I would be fascinated because you are so damn beautiful.

I miss those things, I really do. I mean I am getting better, I got my smile back and somehow I stopped crying all the day long. I managed to stay away from the razor who is patiently waiting for me.I don't do this anymore. I don't want to, I've changed. I sort of moved on. Remember when I told you that is was impossible for me to move on? Well I guess it isn't that impossible, I know that I won't get you back in any way and I accepted it. Is that moving on? Is it moving on when I stopped crying at every topic that is somehow related to you? Is it moving on when I can say out loud that you died? Is it Daisy? Am I just moving on?

Yesterday your father came to pick me up, we went in the city looking for some new clothings. He said I couldn't begin a new job with old clothes. I think my stuff was perfectly fine but he didn't agree. So he literally dragged me in the stores and bought me about five new jeans. I have my black old jean, the one with the hole. Why would I need new ones? And all the shirts and sweaters he bought, what for? People won't notice the difference, so why all the input? Anyway, your father was absolutely convinced that I needed new clothing.

"Forgiveness.

We all know the difference between good and bad. We know that sometimes things don't look the same to others than they look to you. You feel different about them, you don't consider them as a mistake. But sometimes the others do.

I can tell you, if I would have known the difference between good and bad that day, I wouldn't have done what I did. I wouldn't have let her go like that, I wouldn't have stopped kissing her before she went. I would be still holding her tight, but I'm not. And that is because I didn't know about the bad that day.
I didn't realize that my actions would have consequences. But they did and all I can do now is hoping for the best.
I should start forgiving myself, I should begin a new chapter and forget the last one. 'I shouldn't feel guilty', they say. 'It's not your fault'.
But I think it is. I think if I would have stopped her from leaving me, I wouldn't feel that guilty.

'Forgive yourself' 'Move on'

Forgiveness is healthy, forgive for your own good. Stop searching so desperately for the guilty one, stop wanting to know why, don't stay mad at anyone for too long, because sooner or later you'll be the fool in the game. You'll be the one who won't sleep at night because you blame yourself for everything that happened. You'll be sick, of everything.

So forgive, forgive and move on. Or else you won't find the way out of your own head."

I love you Daisy

I know I haven't updated in sooooo long! But hey, better late than never (; anyway, thank you for 2.6k reads and all your amazing support! Keep following me on twitter @xperfection1d :) xx love you all