hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 29

dedication goes to the beautiful @zenmilk :)  thank you for making the incredible cover for someday :) x

(please vote and comment, I'll update again tomorrow)

Songs:

Demons - Imagine Dragons

I Would - Justin Bieber

Bad Day - Justin Bieber

Tennis Court - Lorde

Dear Daisy,

I feel a little weak today, after my breakdown yesterday. I always have those, every once in a while god feels like putting me down again. Every time I feel like I'm almost there, almost healed, I fall again. I fall without even wanting it, that's the worst. 

I really thought that this time I would make it, I thought that I could entirely escape this hole of sadness. I thought that this time I could make it for real. But I was wrong, I didn't make it. I never do. 

I don't want to be this kind of person anymore, I don't want to think of self harm, I want to wake up without doubting myself. I don't want to live that kind of life anymore, Dase. Still, I can't seem to live anything else but this nightmare. 

One day, I'll escape this cycle, I'll get out of it and make it big. I promise you Dase, one day you won't have to listen to me complaining, because then, I'll be happy. I won't have anything to complain about. 

Anyway, on the happier note, the meeting yesterday was great. I met many really known authors, I got to interview a few of them and made some connections. People in Madrid are very polite, unlike British people, they actually greet you and ask you how you're doing. I really like that about Madrid.

Tomorrow we're already leaving, I wish we could stay another few days, it's so much warmer here. You would love it, you'd probably want to move here. There are so many nice shops and really good restaurants. The city is quite old, very precious. 

Yesterday after the meeting, we went in the city to look for something for Dan's girls. He wanted to bring them an 'I love Madrid' shirt but I told him if he buys those I won't be friends with him anymore. Nothing is more dreadful than those kind of t-shirts. You always used to hate those, whenever we saw tourists in London wearing those shirts we laughed and made fun of them. 

I always loved laughing with you in the streets, making fun of people without them knowing. It was just always really good. 

So basically, Dan bought some clothing in this cute Spanish little shop, and a post card for them all. It's so cute how much Dan cares for his family. Sometimes when he talks about his girls or his wife, you can see how much he loves them in his eyes.  They just start shining as soon as I mention them. 

They're his whole world and he keeps them so safe, sometimes I just want to aww. 

And only this morning we talked about them all, and I was wondering if my eyes started to shine when someone brought you up. I wonder if I had this passion in my eyes when I talked about you. 

Dan is the only one I really talk to, besides your parents. He and your parents are the only ones that know how I feel, they're there for me and saw me crying. 

Dan saw me crying yesterday, he came into my room and saw me sitting on the hotel bed, my eyes red from all the tears. But he didn't say anything about it, Dan never says something unless I ask him to. He just sat down next to me and said C'mon Harry, let's go. And I couldn't have asked for better words in that situation. 

Dan would have never said something like Everything will be fine or Stay strong. He wouldn't say that because he knows that it won't be fine, he knows how weak I am. 

Sometimes when we walk along or talk, he randomly asks me things like Would Daisy like that building, or Would Daisy like this flower. And once I asked him why he always wants to know what you would have liked, and he said Because I want to get to know her, after all she was my best friends fiancé. 

So now, I tell him things about you or what you would have said in different situations. That became our little game.  We do that whenever we're somewhere in the city or even at the office. I like doing it, it brings some good memories back and makes me feels like at least a part of you is still with me.

I think I won't have time to write you tomorrow Dase, I'll be on the plane and afterwards I'll have to unpack and I'll be probably too tired to write you. I'm sorry, but as soon as I have some time I'll write you so until then, stay safe Dase. Have fun up there, yeah?

I love you Daisy

-

aw poor harold :( 

please vote and comment and do whatever you want because I'll update again tomorrow so waddup.

ily all so much thank you for 5.8k readss :) 

x