hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 9

Dear Daisy,

I've been writing on my speech a lot lately, it's hard to put all these things and memories in only a short speech. There are so many things I could say, about how we met or about the taste of your lips, what's about all our silly inside jokes? Maybe I could mention the first time I met your parents. That day was a disaster. Remember when we first kissed? That was so romantic, I could let that be a part of the speech as well. Why not? The thing is, I don't even know what to say. What are people usually talking about when they write a speech about their dead fiancé? I really try to see fun in writing, but all I can do is cry at the memories. Only yesterday, I was looking for another pen, and somehow I took one of the billion photo boxes we have, I looked closely. There was a picture of us kissing in my parents garden, and us eating cake, us looking happy together, us sleeping in the grass, us picking up flowers, us when there still was something like us. But now there's only you and me.

That's what I got until now:

Hello everyone,
thank you all for coming today, we all want to make this farewell as short and painless as possible, I know how hard it is to lose someone close to me, I know how hard it is to move on but I have never felt like this before. I have never felt so empty and so sad for such a long time. My Daisy was and still is someone very special to me. She understood me when no one else did, she held my hand when I needed one, she brightened up my day whenever I felt sad. My Daisy was one of the good people on earth, the ones who wear invisible wings. The ones who would look after someone else before they made sure they're alright themselves. The ones you just want to spend every second of the day with.
She is a very beautiful woman, inside and outside. I remember when we first met, we both were at a club and all of our friends were completely wasted. She didn't have money for a taxi so I offered her a ride, the best thing I have ever done in my life. Since that day I couldn't think of loving anyone as much as I love her. I couldn't define what I feel for her at first since I never loved someone with all my heart. I never felt this need to be near someone all the time. Daisy and I often spent time alone, somewhere only we knew. A place that we thought would be a good escape from all the people that never learned how to love, they don't know how it feels to know someone else better than you know yourself, they don't understand why I am so crazy for this woman but I am. I always was, there wasn't a second I ever doubted my love for her. She is my everything there is nothing that could make me stop loving Daisy.

I know I still have to write a lot, it's not finished yet, I just thought I'd let you know what I'll say. I still don't know if I should mention anything too personal to us, what if they laugh at me for being so desperate? What if they think I'm crazy for being so depressive? What if they see my scars? I don't think I'm ready for something like this, I haven't seen anyone but your parents since you left. I haven't eaten and I haven't slept well. I had several nightmares and flashbacks that won't get out of my head, I still have images in my head that should be long gone. But I don't seem to win the fight against the devil in my head, all I seem to do is to get more and more depressive and desperate each day. Nothing new comes in my life, besides the scars I create myself. I am a mess Daisy.


I love you Daisy