hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 25

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Songs:

Closer - Tegan&Sara

Wanted - Hunter Hayes

Dear Daisy,

Today's Valentines Day. You might think I'll cry myself to sleep, hell everyone thinks that, but you're wrong, just like all the others.

I won't cry, and I won't be sad. I'm sick of being like that, so down and so, so sad. I don't allow myself to be this kind of person aymore. I don't want to bring others down just because I lost you.

I've been good lately, I've been smiling and even laughing. I still am sad, but only on the inside. If you see me on the street, you wouldn't immediately think I once was depressed. You wouldn't think I hurt myself to cover up another pain. Yet, all that happened.

But I'm over it. I really am Dase. I once was a very sad man, I was broken, hell I was an emotional wrack. But now I'm almost completely fine. I feel like smiling and enjoying things. Everthing's good now, my life is quite normal, maybe even boring. But I prefere living a boring life than a life where I'm destinated to lose the battle against happiness. Because the past few months I really fought. Not only for happiness, I fought against myself.

In a way I really wanted to become happy again, I wanted to ignore all the pain your loss caused me. But on the other hand, I felt bad. For no specfic reason actually, I just felt bad.

On the bright side, that's past. We live in the present now, where I am still on the highway to happiness, where you're so very unfortunately not by my side and where we appearantly are not meant to be together.

And even if I'd ignore all of this, I wouldn't become happy, because after all happiess comes to those who truly deserve it.

Do I deserve it Dase? Do you think that after all those so very cruel months, I finally deserve to be happy?

Not the happy I was with you of course, I will never be the kind of happy I was with you. I will never feel the tears on my cheeks rolling down of laughter, I won't smile the way I used to when you did something to let my heart melt.

You will always be an exeption, when I say something's beautiful, it isn't even half as beautiful as you were, just like nothing will make me happier than you. And of course nothing will ever make me sadder than you.

But that's what love's about, right? It's about good as well as bad times. And hell, we've been through them all.

So anyway, I'll spend Valentines Day all by myself, I'll cook something and then I'm going to watch a way too romantic movie for my liking. But I want to try it, I want this day to be over as soon as possible.

Because of course everywhere I look it reminds me of you Dase, all the hearts and stuffed bears. No matter where I look I see happy couples, couples that still have the possibility to kiss their love on valentines day. And it doesn't make me sad, no, in fact I become jealous.

Jealousy is shit, I know. But I can't help it when I look around.

Daisy, I miss you, especially today. I really try to be strong, not only for me, but for you as well. I'm sure you're somewhere up there and watching. Aren't you?

Are you watching from above, making sure nothing bad will happen anymore? That everything from now on will be good? I want you to know that I miss you so terribly and that I love you. I want you to know that, on Valentines day in particular.

Daisy, please promise me that you take care of you up there, I want you to be safe and if I can't be your protection, then you have to be it yourself.

Take care you Dase, or else no one will. And I don't want that.

By the way, I didn't even tell you what happened the last week, I was very busy and couldn't write you.

So basically, my boss wants Dan and me to be some sort of journalists. The online newspaper I write for is quite known here in London, so he wants us to travel around and interview famous authors and all these kind of people. It's just a literature online newspaper, which means about fifteen people write different stories and only five will be published. Sometimes he gives us topics to write about, sometimes we have to come up with our own story line.

Since three of my stories have already been published, my boss likes me. He always greets me so very nicely and sometimes we even talk for a couple of minutes. Dan gets on with him as well, Dan is a much more talented writer than I am, he has this little something that makes all of his stories very good.

So my boss said that if we were interested, we could become journalists and interview different authors around the world, we could attempt different events and report about it.

Of course we said yes.

Dan became a really good friend, and traveling with him can only turn out to be real fun. I imagine the two of us going around in another city, looking for something pink for his daughters. He is that kind of dad that would travel all around the world only to get his daughters a little something.

And I'm the kind of friend that would always walk along with him and look for something pink. His daughters are both so adorable, it's like they have cute written on their faces.

I think I'll do that, I still have to talk with Dan and my boss about all the details, but to be honest, I don't have anything else to do. And I'm sure I'll have a great time with Dan, so why not? 

I love you Daisy

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happy (late) valentines day :) love you all lots and lots! In case you knew someone who does acceptable trailers, please comment and tell me how to reach them! :) hah xx 

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