hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 34

pease vote and comment, i really want some more feedback.

Songs:

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction

Something Great - One Direction

Dear Daisy,

I got it. I got the flat, I'm moving. It really is exciting and to be really honest, I can't wait to finally give up my old life and begin something new. Something I haven't done before. I'm ready for some fun and some adventures. I want to live my life to the fullest and have fun, like people my age usually do.

Unfortunately, I'm not like most people my age, I'd rather call me a sad exception. I'm this guy that would be the minus one point in the average and the guy that would wear a white shirt when everyone else wears a black one. That's quite what sums me up. I'm different in the worst way possible. I'm sad and I cry a lot, I forgot how to smile by now and somewhere I lost my will to live.

But I guess that's ok. I think there always has to be that guy who ruins things like good averages.

If you were here, you'd say something like Harry, I love you and please believe me that it's ok to be the way that you are. That's why I fell in love with you. And I would pretend agreeing with you, just because that's what I always did if I didn't want to start a fight. I never really believed in myself, but you couldn't bear seeing me like that, I'm such an insecure person and you tried to change that.

You tried Dase, and I'm thankful.

The flat is amazing, as I said, it's big and beautiful. Very modernly built and the view is amazing too. Your father and I already brought some stuff to the flat.

I was buying a new bed today. They'll bring it to the flat in a few days they said. I was thinking of taking one similar to our old one, but then I was a little afraid that I fall back, you know. In the cycle. I don't want a bed similar to our old one. I want a new one, a bed I don't know so well.

Dase, when I say I want to start my life from 0 again, I mean it. I mean that I want to re-do my daily routine. I want new habits and new clothing. I need things that don't remind me of you Dase. I need them.

I want to buy things for breakfast you didn't like and I want to do things we didn't do and I want to watch TV shows you hated. I want to do things differently and I want to enjoy them. But I want to fall in love with someone like you again, I want that person to be like you and exactly like you. She should look at you and talk like you. I want her to kiss me at places you kissed me. I want her to like things you liked and to enjoy the sun as much as you did. I want to hold her the way I held you and kiss her lips as if they were as precious as yours. I want to look into her eyes as if they were only half as pretty as your eyes Dase.

Everything we did and everything we laughed about, should be laughed about again. We should do things that the two of us loved doing. I want her to change me the way you did.

I want her to make me an even better person, someone people would like. I want to be the kind of guy that kids would smile at and hug when they see me. I want to be someone who's remembered the most positive way possible and I want people to like me. Like genuinely like me. I want so much Dase, so, so much. But even if I had all of this, I wouldn't be satisfied, because at the end of the day, you're all I really want.

I'm sick, aren't I?

I'm sick for saying things like that. Someone like you? As if it would be possible to find someone only half as perfect as you.

I think even if I tried I wouldn't find someone with your eyes and your beautiful nose, I wouldn't find someone who knows how and where to touch me. I wouldn't do things with them the way we did them. You and I are something so different.

We were like fire and ice, the beautiful innocent nice girl next door, who in fact isn't so innocent after all, and the tattooed fuck up who scares kids when he walk on the street. I guess we really were different, in many, many ways. But we were very alike, too, Daisy.

For instance the way we liked our coffee, or the way we had our eggs in the morning. We used to like the same type of shoes and wear similar jeans.

We also laughed about the same jokes and cried during the same movies. We kissed like we never kissed anyone else. We had sex as if it was the only thing we did all day, at those points I have to say that we really were a team. We were so similar.

And we still are, aren't we? In a very special way we still are something to each other. Applying were and used to when talking about us, makes me want to cry, but then again. I cry too much anyway, so really, it doesn't even matter, does it.

So Daisy, I guess you could say that we still are a good team, not only in a soul-ish way, in a rather imaginary way.

I love you Daisy

-

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