hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 46

Dear Daisy,

I'm finally out of the hospital. Last night was one of the longest nights in my life.

When I came back home from the hospital and opened the door to my flat I almost fainted. I couldn't bear to walk into the flat that I wanted to kill myself in. I felt so bad and I had the urge to cry and to scream. I almost died, I almost joined you up there and I almost had you back. And now I'm here, where it all failed in the first place.

I'm a failure Dase, I can't even kill myself. That's how little I can.

Anyway, I'm back and if I want it or not I will have to live. I will have to keep looking up and believing that you're looking down, watching my every move, making sure I'll be alright.

You make me strong, very strong and you make me do it. You make me wake up and go back to sleep. You're making me eat and you're making me drink, Dase. You keep me alive.

Tomorrow I will go back to work again. I haven't been there in a long time now and I really need to concentrate on writing. I was thinking about publishing those letters one day. Maybe reading how bad other people feel makes you feel better. It's like seeing clear, it could be worse.

I'm not too sure though. Maybe it's too private, I mean I obviously would change every name and make it anonymous but I guess it's a huge part of my life. You're a huge part of my life.

Anyway Dase, life goes on and times change, who knows, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow free from every pain and all of the sad is gone. Maybe I'll wake up I won't feel the urge to close my eyes again because the sight of my life is so dreadful. Maybe I'll think positive and maybe I'll forget about all we had and all we were. It might happen, Dase. There is the possibility that I will completely forget about you, and if that is so, I want you to know, deep down inside I won't ever forget you and you'll always be a part of me.

Yesterday, I thought about something. I thought about how I've never been to your grave after your funeral. I never visited you in six months I couldn't find time to go and see you, be near you, or at least near your body.

So I called your parents and I asked them if they wanted to go visit you. I wanted to go with them so they keep me from doing stupid things when I see your grave.

So tomorrow we're going to your grave and we'll be with you again, we'll spend some quality family time.

No, Dase. Of course I was joking, even if it wasn't funny. We're gonna visit you because I want to tell you things, I want to talk to you and I want to feel like being near you again.

That's all I really want Dase, you know? Be near you.

I love you Daisy

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I know this is super short but I will update again today (yaaay double update whoop whoop)

Okay so please vote and comment and as soon as this gets 6 comments I'll update again + the next chapter is my fave so go go go!!