hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 8

Dear Daisy,

What I said yesterday, you know, about traveling around the world. I don't think that'd be a good idea. I was completely crazy when that thought popped in my head. I won't travel the world, not without you, why would I want to meet other, new and different people? I have you, Daisy you're all I need. I could be at the last piece of earth, with you by my side, I wouldn't mind, home is where you are Daisy.

Lately, I haven't eaten much, I don't have the time. Strange actually, I spend all day in our empty flat, I do nothing all day, still I don't see the need in eating. We don't even have food here, I wasn't outside for two weeks, maybe I should try to talk to other people again. I could go down the street and get some food. I could also call my parents to tell them that I'm alright but if they really cared, they would have come here to make sure I'm still alive. But my parents just don't care. They never did. Which makes it easier for me to make decisions, I don't think they'll mind when I leave, maybe they'd pretend and act as if they were sad in front of their rich ass friends but deep inside they're happy that their fucked up tattooed son finally left this place. They aren't as caring and as loving as your parents. Remember when I told them about our engagement? They didn't care, my fathers phone rang and he left the room. So how will they react when they get told that their son died?

All those things are all around in my head and I just can't think straight about anything, plus I still have to write the speech. That's probably gonna be the hardest part, saying things about you, us in front of all those careless people. Seeing them with their partners, holding hands and being glad that it's not them. It's hard for me. Usually when I have doubts or when I'm sad I go and hug you, kiss you or maybe just look at you, and I know you'll have an answer and you'll listen to me and help me in every possible situation. But those days are over now. All I have now is my pen, a sheet of paper and my razor. Nothing else stayed. It's gonna be hard, trying to say something, people won't understand, no matter how much details I give, they won't ever understand what it is between you and I. They won't underdstand why I hurt myself, they won't understand why I want to die so badly. They think I'm crazy, standing there with my speech in my hand, telling a story that doesn't really have an end. Fuck. What am I even saying. They can't understand. I don't understand it myself. But I try, I really do. I try to figure out what to do with my life, I try not to cry and hold back tears, no one would see anyway. I slap myself and throw things on the floor. Sometimes life is bright and happy, I almost feel like going out and smiling. But then everything changes, suddenly I hate everything and I realize what has happened in the last month. I realize that you're gone, I realize that I wear scars all over my body. That's when I realize what a mess I actually am. My mood swings really bother me, it's almost like I'm bi polar. I don't need this right now, I don't need another serious problem, I already have enough. You're my cure but you're so unreachable. I already thought about doing it now. You know, joining you, Daisy. I don't like the term 'killing' or 'suicidal' it just makes it serious and all I don't need right now is seriousness. I need you and I need fun, I need someone to make me happy but how should I be happy when the only thing that makes me happy is you? And the only thing I can't have is you as well. It's a game I'm destined to lose. The game's called life. And the price is death.

Just make sure you won't believe all the fake ass people at your funeral, they'll be looking sad and try to comfort me but they don't mean it Daisy. Those people are just as cruel as life. They can all go fuck themselves.

I love you Daisy