hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 39

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Songs:

Tip Toe - Imagine Dragons

Made To Love - John legend

Diana - One Direction

Save Room - John Legend

Stay - Miley Cyrus

Dear Daisy,

I finally finished reading your journal. I read it twice to be really honest. It was like a good book, once you start reading, you can't stop anymore.

What made me so curious is that I do know the stories, I know what happened, most of the time I was involved in whatever you wrote down, but I did not know the stories from your point of view. I did not know how you saw things and how you felt in that very moment.

I always loved the way you wrote, so easy and cute. You wrote with such an ease.

You know, your journal, the black little book shaped thing. The one with the blue strap and the one that smells like you. I grew to love this book. I feel like a part of you never left, a half stayed in my heart and the other half is in this journal.

I just want you to know that I do take care of it. I do try not to lose it and not to ruin it. I put it on the desk in my bedroom. It's there, next to a framed photo of us. Also next to my lamp, but a lamp is not romantic.

You know, I begin to think that this book was planned. The way you wrote, as if you wrote to me. Sometimes I felt like you deliberately wrote things, so only you and me understand them.

Your last entry was long, very long and sad, very sad. It was a metaphor.

5th may 2010

harry asked me if i wanted to move in with him, like only the two of us, alone in a flat. it is like a dream come true, i finally get to call something home. but this is a whole new kind of home. it's the kind of home that you would miss when leaving, the kind of home that you share with someone who makes you feel like home. harry makes me feel a lot. he does make me cry sometimes, but he also makes me the happiest person on the planet. he makes me understand and also confuses me at times.

when he asked me if i wanted to move in with him, i obviously said yes. i started crying and he held me in his arms, the arms i grew to love so much. every inch of his body, every drop of ink, every spot and every hair. i grew to love all of him, and even more. so really, it was not a hard decision.

he said that he already planned things and that we only have to say yes to a flat. yesterday we visited a few flats and we found one. it's a nice flat, quite well located, big enough with a very pretty window in the living room. i made sure that we did not take the most expansive one, i don't want harry to pay everything, but he insisted.

i met harry a year ago. it was a year full of surprises and crying and laughing and kissing and secrets and love. i am now aware of how much in love i actually am. yesterday, when harry talked to the lady who showed us the flats, i noticed how much i enjoy to watch harry talking, his pink, beautiful shaped lips move so slowly but so perfectly well. i also love his legs and feet, his massive toes and the way he walks. he is so clumsy and so tall, he barely has the control over his legs. but i fell so in love with them.

when we were in the car, on our way to harry's flat, i noticed how much i fell in love with him humming to the songs on the radio. i also fell in love with his questions, to which he wants a precise answer. i fell in love with his tattoos and with his dirty boots he always takes off in the kitchen, the ones that i have to put back in the anteroom. i also fell in love with the smell of him in the morning and i even fell in love with him sitting on the toilet while i'm brushing my teeth. that's how much i fell in love with harry styles and i will never ever, ever leave him, until the day i die.

That was when I began to cry, until the day I die. You did not mean it like that, did you Dase? You did not want to say that.

I know notice how many bad habits I have, I still take of my shoes in the kitchen, but there is no one to put them back for me, so they stay in the kitchen until I put them on again.

Time has changed, Daisy. Things are different now, life is darker, days are harder. But I guess that's ok. I guess I'll just have to live with it. I do not really have a choice anyway, so might as well just live like this.

Might as well wake up alone, and sit on the toilet without talking to you with your teeth brush in your mouth. I miss this, now that I read all of the things you apparently fell in love with, I notice how much I miss this time.

I repressed this time, the time before our engagement, the time we used to be so young and so happy. You were only twenty years old when you moved in with me, you had your whole life ahead of you. Nothing planned out, just living the moment. We never planned anything and now look at us Dase. We are worlds apart.

I love you Daisy

-

boo, another update.

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