hundred letters - harry styles

Letter 36

vote&comment please :)

Songs:

All of me - John Legend

Diana - One Direction

Hot Hands - Darius

Say Something - A great big world

Dear Daisy,

It's been a while since I wrote you the last time. Nothing has changed actually, I'm still here alone in this immense empty flat.

The flat actually isn't empty for real, it just feels empty, it feels like waking up in our old flat, it's just ten times bigger.

I really don't know what went through my head when I agreed to sign the contract. Why the hell would I need a flat as big as this one for me alone? I feel more lonely than I did before, that's all. I guess I just need time to get used to this much space, it's only been a week since I moved in.

It does take some time.

Just like it takes time to get over you.

There's nothing in the whole wild world that could make me happier than you did Dase, nothing.

Just by walking in the kitchen I imagine having drunk sex with you on the kitchen table, I often think of where and how we could be doing it. I think of the way you sometimes caressed my tights when sitting at your parents for dinner, how you would squeeze it a little when they said something that offended me.

To be honest, I barely remember the time when your parents used to hate me. They used to make rude comments about my tattoos and my hair. The often said that it was way too long and that a bandana wouldn't help to make it look a little less hideous. The said that only homeless people wear flannels and that I should buy new boots because mine look like they were my grandfathers.

What a change, now they're the only ones who are here for me. They help me and talk to me they invite me for dinner and your mother washes my dirty laundry. She comes once a week to take it with her and to bring me the groceries that she bought. She puts them where they belong and then I give her the money. She makes me soup and watches Breakfast At Tiffany's with me.

We often watch it and add comments like that was Daisy's favourite part, or I think Dase would have laughed at this.

I don't know when but there as a time when your parents and I kind of changed. About two months ago we started to talk about you and the things that you liked without a problem, without one of us or all three of us almost crying. We started to live with the truth and accepted it. We took it as it came and tried to figure out the best way for us.

For me personally, the best way to handle all of this is writing these letters, I really don't know what I'd do without my pen and paper.

You have to know, when I started writing these letters I meant to send them to you, I meant you to read them. I didn't even realize that you were gone for real, forever. I thought you would come back, that you just left for a certain time, I really thought you would come back and jump in my arms. I expected you to write me letters as well, as long as you would have been away at least.

Funny, isn't it in a way?

I used to believe in us so much that I didn't even say the word death out loud. But now, look at us - miles away from each other, we're apart and broken. All that we had slowly faded away.

If someone would have told me three months ago that I would ever be able to even think of loving someone else, I would have laughed at them. Maybe I wouldn't have laughed since back then I was in no mood to laugh at all. But I would have called them crazy.

Crazy for thinking of something like that, crazy for saying it out loud.

Now look at me Dase, I'm here expecting something good to happen, waiting to fall in love again. But I know it wont happen, I won't be able to love again. I'm not even fully over you, or half over you.

Still, I gave up on us, I gave up because all the times I called your name, you didn't call back. I gave up because somewhere along the way I found out that it's useless to hold onto nothing.

Even if I tried I wouldn't dare to look at another woman, after all, you still own my broken heart, be careful because it broke into a billion pieces, you can't fix it anymore. What's broken is broken.

Something else I have to tell you, or write down, however you want to call this letter relationship we have here. The new owner of our old flat called and told me there was a letter for Miss Daisy. So I drove to our old home and opened the letter in the car.

It's from a woman called Angie Gilbert. Here's what she wrote:

Hello Daisy,

it's me, Angie, from UNI, remember me? I was thinking of you when I booked my plane ticket to London. Maybe we could meet up sometime when I'm here (assuming you still live in London). I'll land the 25th April. I'll stay for a week with my husband. I haven't heard of you since at least a year or two! I'm really looking forward to see you again soon!

Here's my number: (5364-2536179) call me!

xx Angie from UNI.

I called her while I was still in the car, I told her about your accident and how you died last November. I said that I was sorry to tell her this way and that she should still enjoy her holiday in London. Of course I also introduced myself, I told her how I got the letter so she wouldn't get confused.

Apparently Angie was a nice friend of yours.

I love you Daisy

-

thank you so much for 8.6k reads and over 700 votes! please vote and comment, they mean very much!