a/n: kind of trigger warning, though some of you may not pick up on it. it's just subtle, no further than a few words.
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the engine of my car buzzed for a few seconds before finally actually turning on. the car rolled down the driveway unconsciously, then down the road, then onto the highway. i stared off the bridge i rode along, wondering who would care if i just drove off.
no. stop thinking like that. no matter how bad my situation is, it's selfish to think mine is bad enough to end my own life.
i came back to reality when i looked ahead and had to swerve the hardest i'd ever swerved my car to get out of the wrong lane. great driving, ashlynn. i heard a small sound, but i paid no mind to it. i felt a pain in my arm, but i paid no mind to it.
i pulled into josh's driveway, my vision getting kind of blurry. i looked down at my left arm. oh. there was blood.
i had a massive cut on my arm, probably from the swerve. what did it even go against to make it cut that deep?
i got out of my car casually, not really being able to move my arm. but yet again, i ignored it. usually, i'd be screaming. but now i'm always screaming, so it's just adding on inside my head. i pulled out my phone with my right hand and typed with only one thumb, which took a second, and sent it to josh.
i'm outside. which one is yours?
424
k. do you have any bandages by the way?
yeah, why?
no reason.
that was a lie. whatever, he'll find out soon enough. i walked into the tall building, going immediately to the stairs. i'm fat; i need the exercise. i started sprinting up the flights of stairs, four floors up. i didn't let myself sweat.
i finally got to the fourth floor of the building, which as i looked at it more, it seemed like a hotel. wait- it was a hotel. i knew this place. this place is 5 stars! go josh.
i approached his door, which was a huge pair of double doors, and knocked softly. i looked around aimlessly, my hands in my pockets. a few seconds later, josh was standing in front of me with a smile and crinkled eyes.
"hi! come in, come in!" he chirped and stepped to the side.
i stepped inside with my hands inside my coat pocket, my jaw almost dropping to the floor when i saw his huge, beautiful, expensive, HUGE suite. did i mention it was huge?
"you like?" he skipped past me like a little kid, a grin on his face.
"oh my.." i managed as i stepped carefully, like if walked too fast it'd all shatter.
"well, the drums are in my room," he broke the silence as i was still dazzled by the polished floors and perfectly crafted sculptures and paintings.
"oh, sorry." i came back to reality and followed him.
after what seemed like walking through six mansions and a football field, we got to another huge set of double doors.
he opened them after looking behind him, almost as if checking if i was still there. he pushed open the door to the huge bedroom, his drums just sitting in the middle like a piece of priceless art.
i walked over to the set in awe. i had done my research on drums in the past week, and i knew basically all that i needed. i knew a good set when i saw one, and damn his set was to die for. it must cost a fortune per night.
"whoa! ashlynn!" i heard josh's voice from behind me, he seemed startled.
"huh?" i pivoted on my heel, so i was facing him, and immediately as i did, he was right in front of my face and reaching for my arm.
"what happened?" he asked, not taking his eyes away from the forgotten wound on my forearm.
"oh yeah. i was on the highway, and i had to swerve out of the wrong lane, so i didn't hit a semi truck and my arm apparently caught something." i explained nonchalantly. "this is a really nice suite." i added.
"what?! you were on the wrong side of the road? how?" he looked back up to my face. i didn't even feel the pain anymore.
"i go where i want to." i shrugged with a small, but kind of fake, chuckle. he laughed. like, a full-on belly laugh.
"sorry.. sorry, what you just said reminds me of something." it looked like his eyes were full of joy, just by me saying six words. There wasn't even an innuendo or anything.
"what?" i was glad the conversation was away from my cut, i hated to see him worried like that.
"just a song that i know." he smiled. but his smile seemed mischevious. like he knew something i didn't.
"anyways, i'm getting you bandages and stuff. just sit on the stool and be patient," he instructed and left the room. i did as i was told and sat on the seat of his drums, examining the cut. it was harsh. but, still, i didn't feel it. i touched it, and no pain. what is wrong with me? is it that i miss my girlfriend? maybe that i miss college in general?
"earth to ashlynn." i saw a hand waving in front of my face, snapping me back into reality. i looked up at his face, and he had a bunch of supplies in his hands.
"josh, my arm didn't fall off." i joked and cracked a small smile.
"yeah yeah, i'm just being safe. now lemme play doctor," he held out his hand. i rolled my eyes and let him see my cut.
"this will hurt a tiny bit," he started to spray some of that stuff that is like a thousand small bee stings all around the cut, but i didn't even flinch. his face looked confused as he looked for any sort of hurt on my face, but nothing.
"oh, shit! you're tattoo! the cut is like, through a little of it!" he seemed more panicked than me.
"scars don't effect tattoos," i spoke from experience. i've had these tattoos for a while, and when all the shit was going down in my life,t he tattoo wasn;t affected. but, i'm clean now. don't worry.
josh's eyes seemed to widen at my comment, and he stopped mid cleaning.
"no no no, the guy who gave me my tattoos told me." i assured josh. i didn't need him worrying.
"oh. thank god," he chuckled a bit and went back to fixing up my "wound."
"you seem different lately. is anything wrong?" josh asked randomly. he barely knew me. how can he tell when i'm acting differently?
"i guess i just miss my girlfriend." i shrugged, thinking of the quickest excuse possible. which it wasn't a lie, i missed hailey dearly, but we both had to go with family this week.
"wait- you mean boyfriend?" he stopped and looked up at me with almost innocent eyes.
"no. i meant girlfriend." i held in my laugh. does he not know what a lesbian is?
"so- you're like... a lesbian?" he raised an eyebrow slowly, his eyes still so innocent.
"correct." i chuckled a little. hopefully, he wouldn't lash out at me about how i need jesus, and i'm going to hell. i've had enough of those talks.
"that's cool," he said awkwardly, his voice raising a little. it was adorable how nervous people got. like they didn't know how to handle someone telling them that.
"don't think i'm not okay with that- it's totally fine that you're gay- i'm not one of those religious people against equality. equality for all!" he rambled as he tried to revive himself.
"it's fine, josh." i said through my chuckles. his face was beat red.
this'll be fun.
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a/n: plot twiiiiiist! don't worry; this is still going the way you want it to. ;) i have plans.
