"alright, now, i think that's enough for today-" tyler stopped himself, "i'm starting to sound like a therapist, aren't i?" he chuckled.
"i didn't want to point it out, but yeah." i chuckled with him and sat back on the couch, emotionally exhausted from the tornado that was my 'story.' i wasn't yet convinced that i even had a problem, though the evidence was directly in front of me. it was almost as if someone had put a dead person in front of me, and i thought it was alive and healthy.
"and how does that make you feel?" he leaned forward towards me with his hand on his chin in a mocking therapist way. i laughed and threw a throw pillow at him.
"violence is not the answer!" he dramatically shouted and threw the pillow back at me. i checked the time, and quickly realized i was basically late for a shoot. not an important one, but it was my job.
"oh, shoot, i got a shoot to go to, ty. thank you so much for all this." i thanked him and got up, along with him.
"oh, it was no problem! it was kind of nice, actually." i pulled him in for a quick hug and we parted ways once outside, me rushing off to work.
|-/
josh's arm was supposed to be resting around me, but, he didn't come. i was fine with it, i really was. he probably is sleeping in, taking a nap, or just didn't want to come.
my thoughts were disproved, however, as i heard the front door of my apartment forcefully open and shut. josh came storming into the room, he was fuming.
though his movements sharp and his expression angry, i saw something in his eyes. i couldn't recognize it. it was entirely new.
"ashlynn." he breathed. his chest was rising and falling rapidly like he ran here. i could see small beads of sweat on his forehead.
"babe, are you alright?" i stood up, concerned filled me.
josh, without warning, grabbed my face with both of his hands. he made me stare directly into his eyes. he brought my lips to his for a kiss that short, but drawn out at the same time.
"why didn't you tell me? i could've helped you, i- i-" his voice was just above a whisper and i could see genuine fear in his eyes. his pupils were dilated, frantically scanning across my face.
"what? hon, what are you talking about-" i stopped myself, "did tyler tell you?" josh nodded.
"he told me you would want me to know." josh replied. one could see the steam coming out of my ears from a mile away.
"i gotta go have a talk with someone." i growled, ripping his hands away from my face. i was full of anger, he betrayed me! i thought tyler and i were beginning to become close friends, but of course fucking not!
i saw josh coming after me, but i was already in my car and backing out of the driveway. tyler said he was just going to go home since i left for work, so, i knew just where to find him.
i pulled into jenna and tyler's shared driveway, charging to the front door. i was surprised my car door didn't fall off by how hard i slammed it. i pounded my balled fist on the front door, tapping my foot on the ground impatiently.
"ash?" tyler asked once he had opened the door.
"so, what else are you gonna tell josh? huh? are you gonna tell him about that time i told you about where i tripped down the stairs in school and everyone laughed at me? o-or maybe you'll tell him all the details of the time i was made to leave a fucking gym because i was too fat? oh! what about the gem about how the first time i was asked out it was just a huge fucking joke becuase i'm so fucking needy and ugly? huh? are you tyler?" i could see him cringe at my harsh words.
"look, ash, i had to-"
"don't fucking 'ash' me. i trusted you with one of my biggest secrets, and you just tell it to everyone like it's your business!" my voice began to rise.
"i couldn't keep it from him, he loves you." tyler calmly replied.
"so? just because someone loves you does that give them the immediate right to know all your problems? huh, that's news to me tyler. thanks for informing me on this apparent rule of dating someone! so, does jenna know about how you still have those razor blades 'just in case?' o-or does she know about the time you cheated on her for a week 'just to see?' huh, tyler?!" the words spilled out of my mouth like vomit, i couldn't stop myself before i realized what i had said.
"tyler..." i tried to reach my hand out to his shoulder as an apology, but he whacked my arm away. tyler's eyes were wide and his mouth was agape, he looked like stone.
"get. the fuck. away." he whispered, tears pouring from his eyes, his fists balled at his sides as he looked past me.
"tyler, i didn't mean it, please-"
"i said leave!" he shouted suddenly, making me jump. anger boiled my blood.
"fine! fuck you then! go cry about it!" i stormed off back to my car, and got in. the front door closed, and i was just staring straight ahead. i slammed my fists on the wheel in anger and shriveled in my seat, sobbing my eyes out. as my vision was blurry and i gasped for air between sobs, i quickly pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road; a very bad thing to do when your vision is severely obscured, mind you.
great, now tyler hated me. why was i such a fucking idiot? all i had to do was ask him for a good reason why then get on with it, and it'd be done. i would still get help, i would be better. but that's over know. i fucked up, bad, and i'm right back at square one.
but this time, i'm not moving.
