the two were silent for awhile. they had moved so they were sitting with their backs against the car door. rosemary rested her elbows on her bent knees, josh with his legs straight out and arms crossed over his chest. the normal silenced haunted josh more than he could explain as he waited for rosemary to speak again. the crying had stopped, but he was giving her all the time she needed to try to explain. josh found himself making up stories as to explain why she wouldn't speak during the silence, which was kind of ironic the more he thought about it. maybe she got punched in the throat once and assumed she couldn't talk, then once she realized she could, she didn't want to.
"i mostly blame it on anxiety." rosemary spoke finally, looking ahead of her as she spoke. her head was slightly tilted to the left, like a confused puppy. "do you want to hear from the beginning?" she turned her head to look at josh, who was already looking at her. her voice still was astonishing to him and it always left him somewhat speechless.
"whatever you want." he answered, shrugging his shoulders. she nodded, then looked back ahead. she sighed.
"well... i was nine when i met this girl. her name was emily. around then was when there were some complication with my mom and dad, but that's water under the bridge. she was the only person who would listen to me talk. i could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me, she wouldn't question me, she'd just be there, you know?" rosemary rambled, having josh's full attention. she wasn't used to that.
"my mom and dad were put in jail for child endangerment, and through that kid at schools would call me names like 'annie' and sing it's a hard knock life as i walked through the halls. emily didn't. she actually stuck with me, she helped me. for eight years she just listened, and that was all i could ask for." rosemary paused, and josh could tell it was getting harder for her to go on. so, he took one of her hands in his in a last stitch effort to make her feel even remotely better. she squeezed his hand harder than he thought she would, actually causing him to wince a bit.
"when we were seventeen, we were out at this bar with our fake IDs, you know, normal teenager stuff. She told me she was leaving with some guy. i told her not to go- i really did- she just wouldn't listen to me. she said they said they'd give her xans for cheap. she was really into all that stuff, she'd try anything. she convinced me to come with her, and it turned out they just needed some people to fight for them. they told us that we'd be accepted into their gang right after we won the fight against this other gang. we were so damn stupid, we agreed. they sent us out to this empty parking lot and left without telling us we'd be fighting alone against six other guys. we didn't really think much of it, and emily was the first one to throw a punch. i've never seen someone fabricate so much anger into a punch, it seemed like that guy had killed her family. we were fighting and stuff, then one of the guys..." rosemary paused, her eyes glued to the cement in front of her. he could tell that she remembered what had happened so clearly like she could see it happening all over again. her grip on his hand became tighter and he noticed her breath caught in her throat.
"one of the guys pulled a gun on emily. everybody stopped, and she just stood there while this lunatic held a pistol to her forehead. you could hear a pin drop. i tried to tell the guy off, even his friends tried to tell him off, but he wasn't having it. emily spoke up and told him to 'just do it' and that he was 'too much of a pussy.' then he loaded the gun and shot her. and i ran. i ran and ran." her voice got quieter towards the end. a single tear slipped down her cheek, her body was shaking. josh didn't know how to react except to pull her towards him and just hug her. she hugged back as tight as she could, and she just cried. her tears wet his shirt but he couldn't care less. "i'm so sorry..." josh meekly said, one hand on the back of her head as he held her close.
"i could- i could have done something- i- i could have went back for her and helped- i'm the reason she's not alive-" rosemary rambled, clutching onto him like he was all she had. he was all she had.
"no, no, no don't think like that, rose. you did all that you could, that psycho would've pulled the trigger on you if you tried to do something." josh quickly tried to make her feel better, but his words helped none.
"i wish he did." she whispered, still holding onto him. those words broke his heart. she wanted to die. "emily was the only person who'd ever listen to me talk. she's the reason i stopped. i only really wanted to talk to her." as rosemary said this, josh began to wonder. why him, then? why did she think it was alright to talk to him? out of all people, him.
josh moved so he held the sides of her face with his hands, making her look into his eyes. he saw how sad she was, how empty she looked. he swiped his thumb across her cheek gently to rid her of any tears.
"please don't say that. y-you mean so much to me- a lot of people and if the trigger was pulled on you- i never would have met you." josh didn't know why he was so put off by what she had said, it just got to him. like his suspicion of her thoughts was confirmed and he wanted to do all in his power to change her mind. "you've helped me so much, rosemary. you've helped so many people just doing your job. i-if that gun was pointed at you, you couldn't do all that you have for the world." he tried to look into her eyes as much as possible, but his rambling made him nervously look away as he spouted on and on. she pulled him back to her and embraced him, not saying another word.
just like normal.
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a/n: welp it's been a bit ha merry chirstmas!
also, josh & rosemary are 22 in this story and if there are any plot holes just b like 'it's an au so lil things are different' whoops
also joshlynn or whatever rosemary and josh's nicknames are? comment what side you're on and why!
