josh held the book in his hands gently, observing the worn leather backing and sides. the spine was cracked, the pages were yellowed, but it gave the book an odd sense of life. josh glanced up and saw rosemary wasn't sitting in that chair anymore. instead, he heard the shower go on.
josh finally mustered up enough will to open the journal to the first page, which just said rosemary's name, an address, and some numbers which josh assumed to be the date.
rosemary e. michaelson
one hundred ninety-four glenn way
1/16/13 -
josh had assumed the empty space would be filled when she finished the journal, which intrigued him. she had this since 2013? why january? josh flipped through the pages and only stopped on a few, and those few go as follows:
january seventeenth, two thousand thirteen.
this is my place. this is my bottle. welcome. my life is in your hands. my thoughts, my voice, my soul is in this leather backed book i found at a flea market in tokyo.
january twenty-second, two thousand thirteen.
this is stupid. i don't need this. i'm fine the way i am. i don't need to 'cope.' cassandra is wrong. she's delusional. i'm fine.
january twenty-fourth, two thousand thirteen.
i knew i shouldn't have let her join that god damn gang. she was everything to me. fucking everything. we were so fucking stupid, they were corrupt from the start. i don't know how to help her.
january twenty-eigth, two thousand thirteen.
she's dead. i killed her. i could have helped her. i could have said no when she asked if we should join that stupid fucking gang. she was the 'weakest link' kellin said. kellin is a fucking disgrace. he can go to hell.
february eighth, two thousand thirteen.
kellin put emily up as bait. emily thought it was a fight everyone was going to be in. i told her not to go. i told her to stay back and ditch with me. she didn't listen. she went and showed up to a fight that was her against four armed guys. she wasn't in the wrong. i wasn't in the wrong. it was all kellin.
february thirteenth, two thousand thirteen.
the police said she was beaten before she was shot. she was shot five times. who the fuck is so insane as to beat and murder a dumb girl over some stupid gang rivalry? they deserve whatever comes to them. let the hands of justice beat them to a fucking pulp.
april sixteenth, two thousand thirteen.
kellin was caught. the four guys who shot emily were caught. they're all going to jail. her death wasn't for nothing. she helped make the world a bit better. she made colombus two fewer gangs safer.
june twenty-seventh, two thousand thirteen.
i don't have a reason to live. i've followed my pact to stay in colombus for emily, but i don't have the desire to live here anymore. i don't want to live in general. is stayed alive for her. she kept me going. she was the only thing not throwing bricks at me.
october first, two thousand fifteen.
cassandra convinced me this would help. sometimes i think she actually cares about me. but then i remind myself that all she cares about are the deadbeats who buy our drugs, some girl named ashlynn, and money. well, that girl ashlynn is dead apparently. cassandra told me all about it when she found me. i feel bad for that guy.
josh felt a sting in his chest when he read that one. yet, it wasn't too bad. he had moved on. it just led him to wonder, what would he do if ashlynn came back?
the rest of the entries of the book just told about rosemary's day to day and her thoughts, and josh couldn't get enough. he read every single page, right up until a certain few entries where he found a familiar name.
march ninth, two thousand sixteen.
josh. that's the guy cassandra despises so much. i don't know why he keeps coming over. i don't mind though.
it was strange seeing his own name in the journal, and being the conceded person he was, he went on a quest for more of himself. he found not much about him, which was surprising considering that according to the journal he was the only other person frequently in her life. he only found one thing he found quite interesting.
may fifteenth, two thousand sixteen.
josh and i are going on a road trip. i think i might be happy? no one has ever done that aside form emily. what about wednesday? what about never leaving colombus for her? how am i supposed to have a drink with her on wednesday if i'm out of the state? emily won't mind, right? i don't know how i feel about josh. i like him. but i don't quite know how yet.
reading the entry from just a day ago made josh utterly confused. she liked him? what does that even mean? upon further thinking, josh knew exactly what she meant. and he was in the same boat. he definitely liked her. but he couldn't determine how.
he had a hunch he'd figure it out on this trip.
-
a/n: some long overdue but v vague rosemary backstory for ya
just to make it painfully clear, ashlynn will not come back.
