The New Guy (A Captainsparklez Fanfic)

Chapter 3

I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I toss my stuffed bear into the air and watch it fall back into my hands. I repeat this over and over. I always find doing this to be relaxing. It gives my brain something to concentrate on while I think, so my mind isn't racing with ten million thoughts at a time.

Now I think about my feelings on this whole situation, and use methods from my therapy class to control myself. Deep breaths, repetitive movements, focused thoughts. Only, no matter how hard I try, I can't keep my thoughts stable. I try counting the tosses but it doesn't work.

Why am I acting like this? I've never felt like this before. Why is every part of me shaking? Why am I sweating, even though I'm cold? The bear obviously isn't helping, so I put him down and get up and start to pace my room. I wander into the bathroom attached to my room and look at the mirror on the wall. I stare at my face. My eyes have a softness in them that I haven't seen since dad died. There is a pinkish tint to my cheeks, making me look young and innocent. Both of which I am as far from as you can get. I push myself up onto the counter and pull my knees to my chest.

My mind stays on Jordan. His face, his crooked smile, his little bit of stubble, his angelic voice. "Oh god, did I just call his voice... Angelic?" I whisper to myself. I groan and put my head in my hands. "What is wrong with me?" I say out loud.

"A whole lot." I hear from the doorway. I look up to see mom standing in the doorway, smirking. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Not with you." I snap at her. "Why are you in my room?" Mom sighs and walks over and sits on the other side of the counter, her feet swinging over the edge.

"Is there something I did to make you hate me?" She asks. "The past year you have just been shutting me out." I stare down at her knuckles that are gripping the side of the counter so hard they are white. "If you don't want to talk about it, you can just tell-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I say quickly, interrupting her. She leans back against the mirror.

"Is there anything you want to talk about. It can be about anything, not just problems you are having." I concentrate on picking my nails, avoiding answering her questions. She sighs after a little while and stands up. "I'm always here Katrina. You know that." She walks out of the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

After I spend another half an hour or so moping, I hop into a burning hot shower to try and drain my thoughts. I get out and I'm still not feeling better, so I head over to my laptop and open up YouTube. Instead of heading over to Shane Dawson's channel like I usually do, I search Captainsparklez to see what he's like. I click the first video I see, but it's about Minecraft so I turn it off quickly, feeling vile trying to work it's way up from my stomach. I slam the laptop shut and walk out of my room. I head into my kitchen and grab a can of cherry coke.

"Hey can you put that back please? We are eating soon and I don't want you to spoil your apatite." I look at the can and back up to my mom.

"It's a drink. It isn't going to fill me up." I say.

"Well I'd like it if you didn't have it so close to dinner." She says, her voice not losing it's calm. I open the can, listening to the satisfying pops and sizzles coming from it. I hear mom sigh from behind me and I can't help but smile. I plop down onto the couch and sip from it as loudly as I can. Tanner flies out of his bedroom and I can hear him yelling from the kitchen.

"How long till dinner? Can I help? Do you want me to set the table? I can help you cook!" He asks quickly, making mom laugh.

"Actually it would be great if you could set the table!" I hear ceramic plates banging against each other and I laugh from my seat on the couch.