The New Guy (A Captainsparklez Fanfic)

Chapter 31

<SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING>

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MY BAJANCANADIAN FANFIC OMFG!!!! I have like ten different ideas that I can't decide between! Although I think The BajanCanadian fandom on wattpad is A LOT bigger than the Captainsparklez one because the top book has over 300,000 reads and that is SUPER intimidating... I hope they are as welcoming and accepting as you guys :)

For all of you that were confused about what the episodes were, you will be figuring it out this chapter!!! Wooo!

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Once I'm home I sprint to my room, not even bothering to lock the front door. I bury my face into my pillow and prepare for the episode that I know is only minutes away.

Every muscle in my body tenses and I press my feet into the bed, curling my toes, gritting my teeth. I move my hands to my hair and grab them from the roots, pulling as hard as I can, or at least until it makes my eyes water. I begin screaming at the top of my lungs and writhing around in my bed. I throw my pillows and blankets off the bed.

During an episode nothing can touch me. No blankets, no people, no hair, preferably no clothes but if they are tight fitting then it's a little more tolerable. I scream and punch the wall from the incredible amount of pain my body is going through. I am unable to stay still as I throw myself around on my bed in an almost seizure-like fashion.

The old thoughts begin to cloud my brain. The thoughts I hoped would never return to haunt me.

"Nobody would care if you died."

"You make everyone's life more difficult."

"You're ugly and nobody loved you."

I shift the pounding of my fists from the wall to my head. I bang them onto my temples until the corners of my vision turn white. I dig my nails into my arms until there are three perfect crescents on both arms. More of my old thought return. The ones that have terrified me the most.

"If I hit my head against the wall hard enough I will pass out and the pain will be gone." I remember thinking this so many times a few years ago. I remember how I was never able to resist the temptation of the suggestion, and I still can't. I begin to smash my head against the wall at a steady pace, increasing the force with each hit.

"What the hell is going on?!" I hear from the doorway. I turn to see Jordan standing there and anger bubbles up into every crevice of my body.

"GET OUT OF HERE NOW!" I sound almost possessed. My voice deeper and raspier than normal. Louder than a human voice should be able to reach. Jordan's eyes grow wide and he freezes in place with fear. "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!"

He runs over to me and places his hand on my shoulder. I scream and spaz out, landing a kick to his stomach. I hear him grunt as the air leaves his lungs and he doubles over in pain. My screams get louder and louder until he leaves the room. He comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and a prescription bottle that I know all to well.

"You're mother said you have to take this Kat!" He booms over my screams. I quickly grab the tiny, barely visible pill from Jordan and swallow it easily without water. The drug works like magic and even in this state I know it's exactly what I need. It's a sedative that will knock me out for at least 13 hours. But it relaxes me and ends the episode within 15 minutes. I'll be asleep 15 minutes later.

I feel the muscles in my body begin to relax and my screams turn into whimpers. I feel the bed creak beside me and I know Jordan is sitting down on it.

"Kat what the hell just happened?" He whispers to me. Every time, during my groggy state before sleep engulfs me, all I crave is human contact. Whether its hugging Mom, holding tanners hand, getting a massage from Ashley. It's all I need, and Jordan is the only person close by. I grab his hand with both of mine and press it softly against my face. He reaches over and picks me up, pulling me close to him and wrapping his arms around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and begin to explain as fast as I can, before I am overcome with the darkness.