Guys, I have a bad feeling that this book is going to end up being 50 freaking chapters like When Sparkz Fly. I just love it so much! I don't want to end it! But I guess it has to eventually :( I'm thinking chapter 40? I'm not sure though.
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Once we start eating again our conversation picks back up, like nothing ever happened. We smile and laugh and talk. After a while the conversation leads to Jordan's channel. I watch his expression change as he begins talking about it. His features all seem lighter and brighter. Watching him, I can't help but smile. Jordan notices and raises an eyebrow.
"What?" He asks defensively.
"Nothing. Just the way everything lights up when you talk about your channel... You really love it don't you?" He smiles and gives a slight nod. "I can tell. That's what Ashley looks like when she talks about food." Jordan laughs and shakes his head.
"I love the relationship between you two."
"Yea well that's what happens when I know you for over 15 years. I stop caring about your feelings and all my jokes are at your expense. But Ashley's sense of humor is exactly the same so she isn't affected by it." Jordan stares at me for a long time. "What?" I snap.
"Nothing. I just... I just don't think that's entirely true."
"What isn't true?"
"That you stop caring about the other person's feelings. I think you still care. I think you just get to a point where you care about the person so much that you are afraid to express your feelings, so you push them away." I glare at him, heat rising up through my body.
"What are you, a therapist?" I snap at him. "I don't care what you think."
"There you go again, pushing people away. You know that what I'm saying is true and you don't know how to deal with your feelings right now, so you snap at me."
"Look I don't want to date you if you are just going to constantly try and be a fucking shrink. Just leave my life and my feelings alone."
"But you don't get it. That's what a relationship is. Expressing our feelings and telling each other everything. Both of which you are refusing to do right now."
"Jesus Christ, aren't you supposed to be the guy in this relationship? Why are you the one forcing us to talk about our feelings?!"
"You can make fun of me all you want but that's not going to get us out of the conversation."
"No. It wont. But this will!" I get up from the table and leave the restaurant. I sprint down the road and head back home. It goes by a lot faster when you are running than when you are walking slowly and getting distracted by every little thing you pass. Eventually I get back home and burst through the front door. I stomp to my room and slam the door closed, ignoring the shouts from mom.
I lay face-down on my bed and scream into my pillow. I don't cry though. I never cry. Crying is stupid and useless. All it does is make you feel like crap, and the whole time it just consists of you feeling sorry for yourself. Plus you look terrible while you cry. So I don't, and I never will.
I decided this when my dad died. I decided that crying was meant for serious matters. And stupid relationships that only lasted for an hour is not a serious matter. So I save my tears for another day, when something important happens.
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Sorry for the short chapter :( it was pretty eventful though! How about that hour long relationship? That was pretty interesting huh? Lol
This chapter is dedicated to Puppiesandkitties638 for being such a great friend to people in need :)
Vote if you like it, comment if you feel like it!
<3
Nani
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The New Guy (A Captainsparklez Fanfic)
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