Chapter 22
Lawrence
"Shit," I cussed loudly.
I can't hold this anymore. I feel betrayed. My girlfriend left me for my twin brother. She chose my fucking brother for what? Just because of whatever reason which I don't know. Hindi ko maintindihan, ginawa ko ng lahat pero wala talaga.
Kahit anong gawin ko kulang pa rin. I adore her from the very start, she became my childhood sweetheart. Ako ang first niya. Noong nagka-amnesia siya. Pinilit kong lumayo. God knows how I tried and how I failed. She approached me again and said that she liked me.
Hindi ko pinalampas ang pagkakataon. Again, I chased her. I chased her even though I know that maybe someday she would be very angry of me. Mahal ko siya pero hindi pa pala sapat 'yun. Wala pa rin pala talagang sapat na bagay para magtagal ang isang tao sa buhay mo. Siguro tanga lang talaga ako
Siguro, tanga talaga ako sa pamimilit na kami talaga sa huli. Akala ko kasi lahat kaya naming ayusin basta pag-uusapan namin pero mali pala ako. I'm always wrong. Fuck! Fuck those shts of life!
"Get out!" I shouted when the door opened.
"Ian.."
"I said get out! Fuck Farrah! Are you noob, stupid, idiot or what? Is it hard to understand the simple fucking sentence, get fucking out!"
This is so not me. I'd never cussed Farrah when we were children. She was my best friend back then before this fucking twist in our life happened. Ano na naman bang nagyari? Nagmahal lang naman kami. Yes, love can destroy anything . . everything!
"I'm sorry," her head was bowed when she left.
I don't know what to do. I'm tired. Tired of everything. Tired of chasing, caring and looking for my girlfriend. But then, maybe I'll never get tired when it comes of loving her. I didn't stop 'cause I can't, and I'd never plan of unloving the person who made me feel wanted. Hinding-hindi ko 'yun naisip noon. Hindi man lang sumagi sa isip ko.
Pero ngayon, heto ako. Sitting alone in my office, thinking of what if's. What if I tried more? Baka nagtagumpay siguro ako. What if I didn't choose her? Eh 'di sana, wala ako sa ganitong sitwasyon. Chasing for a person na isang beses lang naman akong hinabol. What if I chose Farrah, and not her? What if she didn't choose me, and Lance instead? What if we never met each other? What if's. Fuck all that shitting what if's!
Nakakatanga. Nakakabobo. Nakakabaliw. Nakakaloko. Lahat na lang ng bagay piniproblema pagdating sa isang salitang maraming kahulugan . . the fucking love! Hindi ko naman alam 'yan noon. Ni hindi nga sumagi sa isip ko na magmamahal ako. Pero sabi nga nila, expect those fucking unexpected dahil hindi mo naman hawak ang tadhana mo.
Ako nga 'tong lalaki pero ako ang umiiyak, naghahabol, nagmamaktol, nagkukulong at naging kaawa-awa sa'min kaya kung sinasabi nilang mga babae lang ang naghihirap sa mga gan'tong sitwasyon. No fucking way! Guys are more emotional than ladies.
We never cried in front of a girl hindi dahil para hindi kami masabihan ng bakla kundi para ipakitang malakas kami. Strong enough for the girl we love. Strong enough to be the knight in shitting armor of the girl na gusto naming maprotektahan pero minsan, guys can't hold it anymore. If the guy cried in front of you, be proud.
Be proud 'cause that guy chose to look weak just to show you how serious he is. He chose to look weak when you left him. A weak who needed a strong person para ipaglaban siya. Isang taong kayang tanggapin ang mahinang parte ng lalaki para siya naman ang gumawa ng move para sa kanila. And now, I am one of the guys who needed a girl who can fight for me. A girl who can choose me kahit sino pa ang pagpipilian. And I want that girl to be her. To be Micca. To be my Monster Baby.
"How many fcking times do I have to tell you Farrah?" Nabitin sa ere ang sasabihin ko when I saw the girl standing in front of me.
I smiled bitterly kasabay ng pagtulo na naman ng mga luha ko. I'm getting crazy. Nagha-hallucinate na ako. Malala na ako. I wiped the tears on my face and stood up.
"Lawrence.." she smiled at me. The queen of my life is smiling at me, but I chose to ignore her. What a stupid hallucination!
Naglakad ako paalis at nilampasan siya. Maybe, I need some time. This day is really frustrating. I need to breath.
"Lawrence?" Nilingon ko ang nagsalita. Si Cecille. "Bakit gan'yan ang itsura mo? Para kang namatayan ah?"
"I'm fine," lumapit siya sa'kin at pinakatitigan pa akong mabuti.
"Pugtong-pugto 'yang mata mo. Siguradong kapag nakita ka ni Micca ay magagalit na naman siya sa'yo dahil pinababayaan mo na naman ang sarili mo!"
"She's no longer around.." I smiled bitterly.
"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? Kumain ka na ba? Bahala ka nga," nilampasan niya na ako, but she stopped. Maybe she forgot something. "Pumunta si Micca sa SC Office ah? Naabutan ka ba niya?"
"What?"
"Sabi ko nagpunta si Micca.."
"Shit!" Hindi ko na siya inintindi bagkus ay tumakbo na ako pabalik. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I was smiling while running. I want to see her smile at me again. I want to see my queen again.
