Loving Masego

chapter 28

It has been a month now and I  was deep in depression,  I answered no one's calles i stayed all day in the room and stared at the wall . The curtains of my room was closed and I was dead inside .

I stood there heartless ,I couldn't even alter a single word cause my pride was buried deep where no mortal could ever reach no matter how pure and holy they claim to be in all this. I was the walking dead ,a zombie.

I even bathed twice a day now instead of three times which was really bad .I haven't cleaned the house for a month and I ordered my maid to never come upstairs.

I once took a comb with a sharp end and stabbed my hand with it , blood came out but I didn't feel any pain.  So im currently looking at the wound as if it had words and it would speak .

I heard a knock on the door and I saw my maid coming in , she tried to open the curtains but i warned her with my sharp eye . And she left it like that .

"I was talking to the queen and she sends her regards , she says she's coming with the king to see you . I think they are coming today because she told me to cook her favourite dish just how I liked it they should be here any moment now and I came to ask you to fix yourself, is there anything I can do for you ." She says .

I heard nothing she said I was staring at the wall blank , not hearing anything she had to say . I just ignored her atill she had left my room .

I opened water in the bathtub and waited for it to be full , I had made a decision and I felt it was the right one . I was finally going to do it,  I was finally going to kill myself . I took a paper and pen and wrote .

Please take care of my brother Mpho and sister keletso

P.S I love you
Madileng
Bontle Lerumo .

I sat down for a while and called keletso but she did not answer so i called my brother Mpho within seconds he answered. "How's it sister Madileng " he said .

"Mpho listen I love you and keletso,  I will always love you no matter what " i said .

"Madileng what's wrong your scaring me " he said.

"Please take care of Mpho and don't worry I've put some money away for you to take care of your education you will get a letter tomorrow with all the details,  some of the money is strictly for school fees so it will automatically go into your school account." I said sobbing into the phone .

"Sister please don't say that ." He said i heard him crying from the other side , his cries were very loud with a deep voice .

"Please Mpho I want you to forgive me and convince keletso to forgive me also ." I said sobbing  into the phone .

"Sister don't do it I know you want to kill yourself don't ." Mpho says still crying loudly.

"Mpho  I'm tired , I've tried to hold on for as long as I could but I'm giving in to my demons they know better , goodbye Mpho take care and know that you are better than him ." I said ending the call.

I sat on the bathroom floor crying loudly,  remembering all the good times I had and the bad times , it was overwhelming how I let my father win just like that this is what he wanted and I'm giving it to him after all a good child always listens to it's parents.

I took the raizer from the cabinet that I took from Masego's things and started cutting myself deep . I get in the water and saw the water changing color.  I sat there feeling dizzy and my eyes shut down .

I felt at peace and I felt as though my body was being lifted up , to the heavens and i smiled . Something I hadn't done in a long time i was now doing that how i knew I was closer to heaven.

I'd finally see my mother and cry to her and ask her why she left us and just be in her embrace. And meet God and all the angels and ask them why they haven't saved me .

I would ask God what was different with me , I'll tell him I prayed for a better tomorrow but my prayers fell on blind ears . I had to ask him what I had to look like for him to answer me . What's wrong with me or was I never chosen.

Through all this i regretted one thing my child won't get to see the world but I was protecting her or him, anyway the world was cruel to me so how was it going to be better to her or him . The world was cruel to my mother and it became cruel to me meaning my child was next .

I didn't want to risk that I wanted my child to get to the promise land and live a peaceful after life I never had on earth . I heard my soul sing a beautiful song so soft yet so peaceful . I was ready to die with open arms.

____________________________________

I woke up to a beeping sound and i tried to open my mouth but it was glued together.  I looked around and saw that I was at the hospital and I panicked the heart thing started beeping and nurses came in .

They injected me with something that came me down. I felt myself fall into a peaceful slamber.

Later on I heard a person next to me talk . " I'm sorry Madileng,  I didn't mean to push you this far. I should've known that this was killing you but I was selfish from now on I'll try my hardest to make it up you to " I heard a voice which I recognized to be Masego's say .

I heard people enter the room and i heard Masego's loud sobs ." Mom it hurts,  it hurts she's here lying helplessly with my child that she didn't even tell me she was carrying,  mom please take the pain away because it hurts " i heard Masego loudly sob into his mother.

"Shuuuu son everything is going to be alright " she says .

"When mom , please ask her to give me a second chance.  Wake her up please mom just do it for me ." He says .

"Son she will wake up , shes a tough one " Masego's mother says .

"Mom I did her wrong , I treated her badly I was cold towards her , mom please beg her to wake up I love her " Masego's says and i feel a single tear coming out .

"Son I'm sure she will come back to you " his mother said .

"Madileng wake up , can't you hear me wake up please I'm sorry " I heard Masego say . This was my first time hearing Masego cry and it was not fun .

I felt a hand hold my hand and kissing it . I fought and opened my eyes and i coughed.  I saw Mpho and keletso at the corner,  i saw Masego kneeling besides me holding my hand and I saw her mother rubbing his shoulder.

"Water " I said and they all shot up and Masego brought me water to drink with a straw.

I sat up and felt pain on both my wrists , tears suddenly began to fall i was still alive and highly pregnant.  I looked at my sister keletso and she got up and angrily left the room.  No one said anything Masego was crying and his mother was also crying. 

Mpho was also crying and it broke me . Mpho came closer to me and gave me a hug . And we both started crying I hugged him so tight .

Shortly the doctor came and chased everyone in the room .