Forget Me (Adore You Pt. 2)

Chapter 19 (Robbie)

Chapter 19 

Robbie

When my sister left that day, I realized how little I had actually processed during our conversation. Suddenly the weight of everything that was going on hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt almost paralyzed with guilt and dread.

When she left, I told Maria I would start hanging out with Viviana, but when the door closed and the silence of our empty house enveloped me, I felt as if I needed a moment to process. Were we too hasty? What were the possible repercussions of what we were going to do?

I always planned everything out; What actions would I take? What possible outcomes would there be? What variables did I need to account for? When it came to Lia, all of my planning tended to fly out the window. Maria was right. As much as I wanted to see her, I needed to be careful.

So, the first thing to do was to organize my thoughts into pros and cons. The good: Lia did not break up with me because she wasn't happy with our relationship. I am not crazy to believe that she loved me as much as I love her. The bad: My family is insane; I cannot be with the love of my life, at least not to the extent I would like. I had to potentially fake a relationship with someone I didn't particularly care about.

More Pros and cons. Telling Lia the pros: She would know, and we would all be on the same page. She could help us, which would be fantastic. Lia was creative and clever. The cons: She could get hurt. If the roles were switched, I would never let her fake anything with anyone, and I'd be extremely uncomfortable with the idea of anyone touching her, real or not. I also just wanted her as far away from my family as possible.

Another con to consider: If I didn't tell her, she would probably be upset if she found out. As more time passed, I felt more and more uncomfortable with keeping this from Lia. I resolved to tell her when I got back from my next trip. I was leaving tomorrow again; grandfather had an emergency and needed me to help.

Going for a run might help me think, so I changed and decided to run on the trail behind my house.

Maybe it was selfish of me to tell her? If I were brutally honest, telling her would be so I could stay in her good graces, and we would also benefit from her help. How fucked up was that? She was in this situation in the first place because of me. Now she was trying to help us? No. The unselfish thing to do would be to stay away from her. She would be safe. She wouldn't get hurt. Eventually, she would have some normalcy again.

Potentially with someone else. The idea settled in my gut as if I had swallowed broken glass.

I couldn't handle that right now; I made a mental note to revisit that later. More pros and cons.

Viviana. One idea I did not mention to my sister was letting Viviana in on what was going on. Maria would be vehemently against it. I could tell she didn't like the girl in any way. My sister often piled people into groups. Those she liked, those she couldn't stand. There was no in-between. I wouldn't tell Viviana everything, just enough. For example, I would tell her that we should fake a relationship to get our family off our back and get her the money she wanted. I could justify wanting this as a rebellious need to piss off my overbearing grandfather.

Telling her would solve two big holes I had considered with my plan. One was that this was already fucked as it was, and I didn't want to hurt anyone else. Two, it would fix the problem of having to keep Viviana at arm's length constantly. There would be no misunderstanding between us. I did learn my lesson from Abigail.

I reached the end of the trail I was running on. It snaked up a tall hill overseeing New York City across the river. Lia and I use to run here in the mornings often. She liked watching the sunrise from here. The way the sun crept up behind the buildings and bathed everything in pinks and oranges.