their lost girl

warmth

As I heard Victor walk down the stairs, I got up to shower. I didn't appreciate him breaking down my door but after the way he had opened up to me, I couldn't be upset with him. The guilt he held in his heart appeared in his sorrowful eyes. How could I remain angry at the family who never gave up looking for me?                                                                                                                                           I dug through my duffle bag trying to find my pair of sweatpants, a long sleeve shirt and my first aid kit. I found my tattered pair of grey sweatpants but I couldn't a clean long sleeve shirt. The only other one I had was stained with blood and no amount of scrubbing with soap and water will clean it, I learnt that the hard way. I sighed deeply knowing I'm forced to continue wearing the shirt I have on. 

I pulled myself to my feet, dragging my exhausted body to the bathroom and locking the door behind me as I stepped in. I undressed and removed my makeup, looking at the bruises and cuts along my entire body. My pale stick thin legs littered with bruises, while my ribs looked fucked up. I had broken a rib before but I was able to treat it, a hairline break but this time it hurt a lot more, a hell of a lot more and it was starting to feel like it wouldn't ever get better. I knew I needed to see a doctor but for now thats impossible without my family finding out. My eyes wandered around the bathroom, admiring the marble vanity, large light up mirror and walk in shower. Every-time I closed my eyes I expected it all to be gone, for me to be back in my mould covered bathroom. I looked so out of place even in this bathroom, so out of place in this house and most of all I felt out of place in this family, I don't belong here. Its this awful feeling of seclusion. I feels as if I walked into a party that had already began winding down, the music had faded and the room feels empty but full of memories I wasn't there for, memories I'll never have with a family that is my own. What a lonely feeling. 

It had been so long since I had a warm shower, I had forgotten how it felt. The warm water ran along my body making the various cuts on my skin burn, but I didn't mind. I lathered my hair as the scent of vanilla filled the air. It had been so long that I had forgotten how peaceful showering can be, the memories of how I used to barricade the bathroom door when I showered began to wash away. I didn't want to move, I could stay in this moment forever. 

I had to drag myself out of the shower, stepping in front of the vanity mirror as I began reapplying my makeup. I didn't want to take the chance they would see my face while I slept , especially now since I couldn't lock my door. I took two painkillers and cupped my hand under the sink as I swallowed. I was running dangerously low on painkillers and bandages, I hoped i could sneak off tomorrow and at least get more bandages, the painkillers would be another challenge. I knew my ribs were getting significantly worse as dressing myself was proving to be harder and harder each day. After a while of carefully dressing myself, I walked back into the bedroom as I wrapped my wet hair in a towel.                                                                                                          My attention was instantly drawn to the bookshelves, hundreds of books all in this one room like my own personal library. I used to have a library card, i'd burrow three books every single week without fail, it was one of the few things in my fucked up life that kept me going. I could escape into another world, even if it was only for a little. I ran my finger along the books before finally grabbing a familiar title;

 "Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief" i smiled softly picking it up, examining it in my hands.    It was the first book I ever borrowed from that library. I had been obsessed with it since the moment I read it; I could escape within it pages and be transported to a world that wasn't my own; a life that wasn't my own. And in a weird way; it made me feel less alone.  I had reread it countless times now but each time it still brings me the same comfort from the very first time I read it.