their lost girl

do you get Déjà vu?

"I'm sorry" I whispered as my voice began to break, I turned my gaze away from Malik. I had never cared for anybody's opinion, not what they thought of me but with Malik it was different; he was the one person in the world whose opinion I cared about and that scared me. I never wanted to let myself be vulnerable but with him I feel as if I can allow my guard to fall and my walls to drop.

"Don't apologise Lettie" Malik's husky voice came out as a whisper as he gently pulled me into his chest.

"I just- there's just so much pain and I don't know how to not see it. Every-time i close my eyes all I see is the pain and the violence.... What if I become like that? What if the violence I afflict on myself means I'm violent too. Like them" Tears began cascading down my cheek and over my trembling lips, the worries and fears i have held in my heart for so long beginning to boil over.

"The way you cope with your pain Violet that doesn't define you; you aren't defined by your pain or your suffering." Malik replied as he gently traced circles on my back with his fingertips, I smiled weakly to myself as I nuzzled my face further into Malik's chest. I took in a shaky breath as he pulled away from me, he kissed my forehead delicately as he wiped away the tears that ran down my face.

"You are beautiful Lettie" Malik whispered as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. My face began heating up as I looked down to my hands away from his gaze.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently as he carefully caressed my chin so I could look up at him.

"It just reminds me of when we were younger, you'd say that to me every single day without fail- but after you left... well i guess i never heard anything nice about myself" i whispered as i bit down on the inside of my lip trying to control the trembling in my voice.

"I'll tell you every single day until you know it"

I smiled softly as I wrapped my arms around myself trying to keep myself warm.

"Lets go to my room, i can do your bandages there plus its warmer" Malik stated as he helped me to my feet.

Malik led me back down where we came up and up the dark wood stairs, the walls of the staircase were filled with family pictures. Some of Malik and Camilia others with all their parents too, they all looked so happy but the photos seemed old as if stuck in time; stuck in time where Camilia was still alive. Perhaps it was on purpose, how could you move on after losing a daughter? A sister? But time couldn't stand still, not for them and not for me. The sun will always rise and the world will spin, it doesn't stop. In some way that's oddly comforting. The top of the staircase was another hallway down one side was two doors and the other another staircase. Malik opened the dark wood door leading to his bedroom. I looked across from Malik's door to a white door with "Camilais room" written in big pink bubble writing. It looked untouched, unchanged, stuck in a time long ago.

I looked to the floor as I walked into Malik's room. His room was massive but rather dark, with grey painted walls and dark grey bed sheets which made it look slightly depressing. His bed was made to perfection lacking any creases or misplaced pillows, besides the bed there was a wooden desk and a mirror. And a large window across from his bed with grey curtains. It seemed empty, unused with a sense of melancholy, it lacked personality while Malik had so much.

"I don't really spend much time here" Malik stated as if reading my mind.He walked over to his desk and placed his phone down "This whole house i mean it doesn't really feel like home" He explained as he walked over to his bed and grabbed a first aid kit from under it.

He sat down on the end of the bed and I sat next to him. He reached for my arm and looked at me for permission to lift my sleeve up, and I nodded softly.