their lost girl

ghost of you

The Paris air was cold against my face, the wind whistled as I cut my way through the bustling streets. My eyes remained glued to the ground as I walked, scared to lift my gaze, scared if I raised my gaze whose face I would search for.A part of me hoped to see a glimpse of him when I looked up but a part of me hoped I would never see him again.

I shook my head softly. I can't afford to live in the past, this right now it's all I have.And right now I need to find a job, the money Aaliyah gave me has dwindled. It covered the train and bus tickets and the change of clothes. I was now in desperate need of money. I lifted my gaze as I turned a corner continuing down a market street, which was filled with cafes and restaurants. I stopped and looked into the glass window of a busy cafe watching as the employees scrambled to maintain the sheer volume of orders. Amongst the chaos my gaze fell to a man waiting in line, his dark curly hair draped to the nape of his neck. My eyes widened as I pushed open the door, I rushed in pushing past chattering people as I reached him.

"Malik" I hissed from behind him.

"Pardon?" The man said as he snapped around a frown etched into his face. His light blue eyes bore into my skin as I searched his face.

My heart suddenly felt an extraordinarily heavy weight begin to crush my chest.

"So- je suis désolé"( I am sorry) I whispered, my British accent unintentionally  coming out prominently. To be honest, I hardly knew French, a few words here and there definitely not enough to hold a conversation. Luckily I wasn't planning on making friends.

"You're English"  the man chuckled, now switching to English, his pronounced British accent becoming evident. His pale skin made his dark hair appear even darker, his eyes remained intimidating and piercing even with a smile plastered over his lips.

"I'm sorry i thought you were somebody else" I murmured already beginning to step away.

I sat at an empty table as the line began to shorten and people began to walk out after receiving their coffees. I noticed an employee walk out from behind the counter and began wiping the table across from me.

"Excuse me" I said quietly as I approached her.

"Hi," she replied cheerfully, placing down the bottle. Her curly blonde locks were pulled into a loose ponytail with some strains which framed her freckled covered face.

"I was just wondering, by any chance are you guys hiring?" I asked as I forced a smile across my lips.

"Yes actually we are" She said through a smile, her soft German accent becoming more recognisable.

"Oh- can I give my resume to somebody?" I asked as I began twisting my ring on my ring.

"The owner is actually just over there in the blue suit" she pointed to a man across from us, who was standing behind a customer in line.

"The one in line?" I queried, furrowing my eyebrows in curiosity.

"Yeah" she snickered, "he owns this place yet he still waits in line to order a coffee" she answered, i nodded softly.

"Thank you so much" I said as I walked over to the man. I approached him as he stood to the side.

"Um hello" I meekly said, causing him to turn around.

"Oh it's you," he chuckled as I smiled softly. It was the man from before, the one who I thought was Malik. He looked young around  22-23, too young to own a cafe already.

"I heard that you're hiring, I was hoping I could apply for a barista position" I said trying to sound as confident as possible.

"Do you have any experience?" He asked as he ran his hand through his dark hair.

"Yeah, I worked at a really popular cafe in London for a few years," I answered.

"You're hired," he declared

"Really?- i mean thank you"

Can you come in tomorrow at 7am?" he asked.

"Yeah of course, i'll be there"

"I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier but what's your name?" he questioned as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"It's Anna" I stated maintaining a soft smile, the lie slipped effortlessly from my lips.

His  smile faltered for a moment, a subtle flicker of a frown crossing his face before he regained his composure. "Nice to meet you Anna, i'm Axel"

I wandered the streets as the sun began to set, although I felt a slight hint of gratitude that I now had a job I couldn't help but realise I had to get through tonight with nowhere to sleep. The air grew colder with every passing second, it was going to get cold tonight and I couldn't even afford to buy a jacket. I wrapped my arms around myself as I slumped against a brick wall in a quiet alleyway. My head now in my hands as I collapsed to the ground. I leaned my head against the wall as I looked up to the sky, the night sky was beginning to fill the horizon as the sunset faded away into the abyss. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered my first night at home with my Dad and brothers, how many stars there were in the night then, but now the sky appeared empty and dull. My smile faded as I thought of my family, my dad,my brothers. I hoped they were okay. Everything I was doing was to protect them, I couldn't risk their lives. I didn't care if I spent my entire life alone and miserable if it meant they were alive.

My gaze reached back to the sky, my eyes searching the tops of the buildings which surrounded me, my gaze fell onto the rooftop of what looked like a small apartment block in front of me. No lights were on and a fire escape door to my left caught my attention . I smiled softly as I stood to my feet and began climbing the ladder.

I took in a deep shaky breath as I reached the top, my hands beginning to shake against the rattling metal ladder. I pulled myself up and onto the ground as I sucked in another deep breath, thankful that my feet were on solid ground now. I looked back at the ladder realising it was retractable meaning somebody must have forgotten that they let it down, I pulled the ladder up but kept it close to the edge in case I needed a quick escape. I backed away from the edge as I tried to control my breathing. I was never good with heights, it wasn't the heights themselves that scared me, rather the helplessness that would ensure after falling, no way to save yourself, only choice is to embrace your imminent death.

I shuddered as I stood on my feet trying to contain my shaky legs. The rooftop was dark, only the moonlight illuminating what was in front of me. I looked to the left and I could make out a small vegetable garden with lush vegetables growing next to a tap and a garden hose, I could make out lettuce and snow peas among the dozen of plants. My stomach grumbled softly as I brushed my hand along the snow pea plant, I grabbed a handful and began eating them. As I did I continued looking around the rooftop, most of the ground was made of black pebbles although there were patches of solid concrete. To the edge of the rooftop I could see a metal door thankfully no light creeped out from under the door, hopefully meaning nobody was home, or at least not yet.

I stood down on a small patch of concrete as I continued eating the snow peas, I knew somebody visited this rooftop often. It was obvious because of how well kept the garden is. I could only stay here until sunrise, and then I'll leave. My eyes began to grow heavy as the possibility of sleep began to consume my mind. I laid uncomfortably on the cold concrete ground unable to find any comfortable position before finally I looked up to the sky one more time and sleep consumed me.