"You trust me?"
I look up at him, staring into his light brown eyes that stared directly at me. It felt like he was staring into my soul trying to read me. I could barely answer his question because I was busy looking at him. Once I realized I was s...
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Anneliese Hudson "I Just Can't"
My feet swung as I sat on the examination table. I decided to finally come to the doctors after promising Onest I would do so. In all honestly, I wasn't going to come, but he ended up reminding me to. Now, I was sitting in this terrible smelling doctor room waiting for my doctor.
The main reason why I wasn't trying to come here because I was scared. I had only one reason for how I was feeling for the past week and I didn't want it to be true at all. It couldn't be true.
I took a deep breath, "Why am I even worrying?" I asked myself, letting out a small chuckle.
"I'm stressing myself out for no reason. I'm fine, I'm fine." I tired convincing myself, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to be fine.
The door finally opened and my doctor walked in. He was an older white, skinny man. I didn't necessarily like him since he was rude as hell and annoying. But, he was the recommended doctor and I just took him.
"Alright, we got your results and turns out your pregnant. We can do-"
"Wait what?" I cut him off and he turned towards me.
"I said we can do an ultrasound now to see how far long you are-"
"So, I'm pregnant?" I asked, staring at him. He sigh like I was annoying him. And this was why I didn't like him.
"Yes, your pregnant." He told me slowly as if I was stupid.
"Are you sure?" I asked as I started playing with my fingers.
He let out another sigh, taking off his glasses. "Listen, Miss Hudson, we ran the tests two times and they both came back positive. Your expecting and we can find out how far long you are with a simple ultrasound." He explained.
I let out a small chuckle trying not to cry. I started looking around, blinking back my tears. I tried saying something, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I couldn't be pregnant, not by him. As if my life couldn't get any worse, I end up with a child.
"Miss Hudson, I have other patients to attend to. So, we can schedule your first appointment some other time." He said and I shook my head.
"I'm sorry, but can you check again. I don't think the results are right, you probably read them wrong. I just really need you to do them over again." I told him, trying my hardest not to believe the news.
"I already did the test twice and I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do them again. We can talk about other options another time." He said and I shook my head again.
"But, how?" I asked, mainly talking to myself.
"Well, when two individuals have sex-"
"I don't need you to explain to me how a child is conceived, I'm not stupid." I told him getting angry.
I look around again trying to build up the courage to say those four words.
"I need an abortion." I told him looking back at him. "I need one like now."
"Well, there's a waiting list, so just talk to the receptionist and she'll schedule you an appointment." He answered.
"No, I don't think you understand..." I paused looking him in the eyes. "...I need one now. I can't have this baby." I continued, my voice cracking.
"I understand that, but like I said there's a waiting list. There's many other women that's ahead of you. That list is very long and is about a two week wait. I'm sorry." He said nonchalant which angered me more.
"Can I talk to someone else? I wanna talk to someone else, specifically a woman." I told him, as a single tear fell from my eye.
"Miss-"
"I want to talk to someone else, please." I raised my voice a little, quickly wiping my tears.
He nodded his head then opened the door and walked out. I lower my head, covering my face as I started crying hard. I was upset and angry. Why did this have to happen to me? Out of all people, me?
I did nothing to deserve this and now I was in a situation that I didn't want to be in. I didn't want to have an abortion, but I just couldn't do this.
I just can't!
"You wanted someone else." I look up seeing a tall chubby, black woman walking on the room. She shut the door then walked over to me.
"It's okay love." She said, cuffing my face as I continued crying.
"I can't..." was the only words I could make out.
She nodded her head, "Okay, as a nurse I have to report such situations. Are you being abused?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Okay, have you been raped? Is this baby the result of rape?" She asked, I swallowed the huge lump in my throat staring at her.
I knew I had an opportunity to tell what happen, but I just couldn't.
"I just need to have an abortion, I can't have this baby. I'm sorry." I apologized and she nodded her head again. She wipe my tears making me feel very comfortable.
"Alright, this what we're going to do, I'll push you up the list. I need you to come up here tomorrow morning by eight, and we'll get the procedure done." She told me.
"Will you be there?" I asked and she nodded her head.
"Yes, I will love. I'll be right by your side, so you won't be alone." She answered, I nodded my head.
"I'm sorry." I apologized, feeling bad about my decision.
"It's okay hon. Your not going to be judged for anything at all. I'm going to make sure of it. Your safe here." I nodded my head and she pulled me into a hug.
I continued crying on her shoulder.
Why me, God? Why me?
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I stare at my ceiling. My eyes was fucking with me since I was starting to see stars. I didn't even do anything about it and instead just stared at them. I place my hand on my stomach and my eyes started to get watery again.
I was so upset because I was about to do something I never imagined myself doing ever. But, it just had to be done. I continued rubbing my stomach, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry." I said, wiping my tears with my other hand. Even though I knew it was just a fetus and not a baby, but I still felt bad.
I sniffled, "I'm so, so sorry baby." I apologized again. "I don't want to, but I have to."
