REJECTS\\M.C.

-8-

-hannah-

My fingers curl over my palm to capture the heat his warm hand left behind as I turn around and walk home. I don't understand these feelings and they terrify me. The way he looks at me and the way he makes me tummy flutter. The image of him staring at me in the library robs my mind again, continuing those flutters. I cup my hand in the other, doing my best to preserve his touch before I bring it to my chest, never wanting the feeling to leave.

I don't even remember the last time I was touched with such affection and care. It must have been when I was a child and my mum was alive. But I barely remember anymore, it's been robbed from me. I squeeze my hand tighter as I tuck it under my chin while I push the nightmares away and replay those beautiful hazel eyes that I caught gawking at me several times.

A part of me still wonders why he looks at me so much. It doesn't feel malicious and something tells me I can trust him. That still confuses me, too. But who am I to capture his attention? Why would he even want to look at me? I am nothing.

I feel my eyes well as I approach my steps knowing that even if he did think of me as someone important, it wouldn't matter. There is a plan I set for myself and I have no choice but to stick to the plan. My life, my survival, depends on it.

When I enter in I find the house vacant and empty, my duress of my reality having made me unaware of whether my father's car was in the driveway or not. I feel relief and text Micheal, letting him know I am home then I head up to my room. The door is shut and I find my room clean with an envelope and note on my bed.

Hannah-
I will be on a business trip over the weekend. Hopefully I will be back on Monday or Tuesday. Keys to the Explorer are on the counter with the debit card for food. A gift for you is in the envelope. I will check in.
-Dad

I emotionlessly open the envelope to find a two VISA gift cards. Each for $400. I put them in my desk drawer with some others and smile, glad to have a weekend alone. I think about Micheal's offer to go to his house and know I can accept it. I text my dad, telling him thank you for the gift cards and that I will be at the library a lot this weekend to study. And then I open my messages with Micheal, seeing he still hasn't responded to my text telling him I am home.

H: did YOU make it home okay?

M: almost there yea lol

H: okay good.
H: I spoke with my dad and its okay for me to go to your house to study. Where would you like to go to study tomorrow?

M: well obviously I want to study at my house lol

H: okay send me your address. What time is your rehearsal?

M:304 Barretts Rd. And at 3.

H: I can be there about 11? Or is that too early?

M: on a Saturday! Yes that's too early!
M: But ill allow it.
M: I guess 😉

H: see you then lol

M: see ya

I smile at his flirtations, butterflies flying around in my tummy wildly. I hate that he makes me feel this way, but I also don't want it to stop. I stare at his texts and think about the last few days and the way I feel when I am with him. This is dangerous, I know, but I can't help myself. He makes me feel... happy.

I enjoy the way he always holds the door open for me. I guess chilvary isn't dead after all. How he stares at my face and not my body. I don't want him to look at it anyway, so I find it relieving. I like how he is receiving to my ideas and plan, something I didn't give him enough credit for.

I wish it was less, but I do appreciate his attentiveness. I'm weary of his friends, even the ones from school whom I see get sent to detention. But they still seem to be there less than him. And although annoying at times, I love the way he bends down to get my attention. I'm not sure why, but it makes me stupidly giddy.

I chew my lip and take my backpack off my desk before I pull out a sheet of canvas paper. I open the drawer to my paints and brushes, eyeing the colors that will make the ones that have been permanently in my head since two days ago. I pull out some pallets and begin mixing the colors, closing my eyes to really focus before opening and adjusting the colors. Once I have them to the desired shades I begin painting the gradient on my paper, realizing the hazel irises that captured my attention perfectly reflect ocean water.