fair warning: this is a part 2 to the last one shot written, and since it's been a while, you may want to go back and reread it!
also there's an important authors note at the end so pls read that <3
"I said I was sorry."
Taylor burst into tears, trying furiously to wipe the tears cascading down her cheeks. "I'm sorry too. I don't know. I just wanted us to be us again for one night. I didn't mean it to lead to this."
Joe held back his own tears as he brought her in for a hug. "I don't want to do this with you. Anyone but you. I can't do this with you. I can't fight you." Joe couldn't help but let out a sob of his own. Rocking back and forth with her in his arms he kissed the top of her head.
"I'm so scared," Taylor admitted, barely able to string a sentence together with her broken voice. "I still have feelings for you. I just don't want to get my heart broken again." Joe didn't respond, still reeling over the fact that he had let himself break her heart. "But I really... like you."
"I love you," Joe whispered tentatively. "Why don't you just stay here?"
"Okay," She agreed meekly, not needing any more convincing. Joe buried his face into her shoulder, holding her tightly. He wanted to punch himself square in the face for ever hurting her like this. They stood there for ten minutes, relishing in each other's embrace. Eventually they managed to part for breakfast. Taylor made chocolate chip pancakes. One for her and one for him. Typically she'd put a smiley face or a heart on the pancake, but today she didn't feel like it. Joe picked at his pancake, nudging it around the plate with his fork.
"Is it okay?" Taylor asked. "I can redo it if you'd like."
"No it's good," Joe said, continuing to pick at it. Taylor looked down at her own pancake, not feeling particularly hungry. She watched as Joe stared at his plate, finding his face more interesting than her pancake.
Every freckle that dotted his face was in the exact same spot as before. With all the change that happened lately, it was comforting to know that some things stayed the same. She craved to be closer to him but it felt inappropriate in the moment to come up and hug him. As his eyes stayed trained on the white of the plate, Taylor turned to look around his apartment. Her eyes drifted over photos of Joe with his friends and family. They used to be my friends and family too.
Taylor gulped down the lump forming in her throat. She missed it all so much. The feeling of life being actually enjoyable felt foreign to her. She couldn't imagine smiling and meaning it. For the past month her life was just an empty shell of what it used to be. But when she was here, with these photos... she felt a little closer to what it was like before.
"Joe," Taylor whispered. "Can I tell you something?" He waited for her to continue. She hesitated, trying to find the right words to communicate. She decided on the simplest ones, "I feel really alone."
She saw him swallow as his gaze on her wavered. "I know lots of people go through long-term relationships breaking up, but no one went through our breakup. Or our relationship. No one else remembers when we built blanket forts every night for a week straight, even when Meredith kept knocking it over repeatedly. Or when we spent our first Christmas together and I wore my new cat pajamas and you started freaking out because you got me the same ones as a present. Or all the songs that I only played for you because they were only meant for you." She blinked once as small tears trailed down her face. "No one gets that."
"Sucks, doesn't it?" Joe said softly.
She nodded, but she wasn't done. "Every morning I have to wake up to an empty bed and be forced to remember that you aren't there. I have to walk through that fucking foyer where you said goodbye everyday and it makes me want to collapse on the floor every time. I repainted the walls and redecorated it all, but it still feels the same. How do I explain to people how difficult it is for me to walk through my own front door?"
