If only I knew

Chapter Forty-nine

* JCT'S POV * 

I am dead beat. I have been shooting non stop for the last sixteen hours. My scalp itched, and my face all dried up and flaky with the powder and make-up. I'm hungry, and tired, and, I missed Casey like mad. 

Last week had been a terrible week. Lack of sleep, down with cold and fever, mad rush of schedule, tantrums of the younger and senior actors, plus my own migraine acting up, so much so when Casey turned up unannounced I was caught by surprise. Of course I was happy to see her. Then I realized how much I owed her - she definitely deserved a better boyfriend than me! I don't need her to be worrying about me - to be waiting for me - to fit my schedule. She's too good for me! That's why I ended up doing the wrong stupid thing. I can't believe I even suggested that... to take a break.. which nut hole would suggest that? Everybody knows asking to take a break means to break up later, it's just a delay. I could knock myself. And she was so upset that she left without saying goodbye. I wanted to chase after her but I had to return to shooting. Darn. For the first time, I hated my work. 

I was going to give her a surprise over the weekend by going down to Shanghai but I got a call fro Jia Zheng through her phone on Tuesday. 

When I heard his voice, from her number, I was furious. But when he told me that she was so sick that she got admitted into the hospital, all my anger gone and my nerves broke down. What happened? How is she? Is she alright? Why? How? What? All the questions came to me. I couldn't think straight. And all I wanted to do was to fly to her side immediately. That's what I did. Luckily Zhu-jie understood. She drove me down as fast as she could managed, becoming my accomplice for abandoning my work. I didn't think about the consequences. I had no time to think. I just wanted to be by her side. 

Thank goodness she was fine. And my angel smiled at me, still all brave and loving, worrying about me when she's the one needs worrying. 

I felt even more guilty. I was partly the reason why she got so sick. Eva told me she came down with a fever. Jia Zheng told me she hadn't eat well. And plus her history of anemia, it all collapsed. So, I made a vow, deep in my heart that I will never hurt her again, never. I didn't tell her. 

Then I had to rush back, leaving her to face the aftermath of what I've done all by herself. Of course, Zhu-jie and I also had it bad but it was nothing because we were used to it. But Casey - she didn't deserve to have to go through this. Then the company was all full force on me, controlling my comms and watching me, putting me on probation. 

"Your contract is almost up," they reminded me. "You better buck up." 

Zhu-jie also reminded me. If I want to continue with this agency, I need to stay low. This agency has brought me a lot of good opportunities and work. I am today because of them. I surely want to continue with them. So, biting my teeth and gums, I swallowed my pride, and stayed low. I couldn't even contact Casey even if I wanted to. Even Zhu-jie was put under probation. Though she keeps saying she didn't care, I know she loves this job very much. I don't want to put her into trouble too. 

I stayed low for a week, but the mass kept coming. They came to the filming site, which was pretty common but the crowd got bigger and bigger, and they came not because they wanted to see the filming or interested in it, but they wanted to find me, to ask me, to interview me about me and Casey. They harassed the crew, the staff, the other actors, and messed up our schedule. The director was pissed off. Then I got a warning from the company. They had to convince the director not to pull me out of this production. On top of that I heard that Casey couldn't even go to work, or even go to the studio. She's confined to her walls of her apartment. And the worst thing was - I couldn't contact her. I couldn't get to know how she was or to encourage her or to simply tell her I love her. I couldn't.