Gwendalynn: The Girl With Cancer

Gwendalynn | 9

When I was given a second chance...

NOVEMBER - 2010

I hadn't talked to Gwen for a couple of days. I talked to Kory about it and he said I should let her parents cool off and adjust to the fact that I'm kind of a delinquent or whatever. My mom kept apologizing to me, and after a while, I got bored and annoyed of it so I told her not to worry about it. My dad noticed me feeling sorry for myself and commented on it as well, saying I should go and at least try to talk to her.

I didn't.

I've started to get the thoughts again. A year ago, I thought they stopped; at least that's what the doctors said, that I was okay. I didn't need to take the pills anymore. Now, I don't know what to do. Kory's noticed, but I told him not to tell Mom or Dad.

I slammed my hands against my ears, trying to block out what they were saying.

"Stop it!" I screamed.

They all hated me. I sat against the wall. No one was home. Kory just left. Mom and Dad were working. Today was the thirty-seventh day I was punched by him along with his friends.

"This is for your brother, punk."

Punch.

"You're a fuckin' freak."

Punch.

"Knock it off!" I screamed, remembering the pain, even though I was safe at home. I kept having flashbacks.

"This is because I hate you."

Kick.

"Stop!"

"This is because we all hate you."

"Kyle... Kyle!"

I jumped.

"You're feeling them again, Kyle."

"N-no, I'm not."

"Are they bullying you again?"

"Kory, I'm just tired."

"Kyle, you know I don't believe any of that bullshit."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "I just thought it stopped."

"You gotta tell Mom, dude. I'm not there anymore-"

"Yeah, I know, Kory!" I snapped, avoiding eye contact through the webcam.

He sighed. It sucked not having my brother here. It really did.

"I don't want to hate myself again, Kory." I small gasp left my mouth. I didn't know what to do. "I... I'm gonna go."

"Kyle, don't hang up. Ky-" I already closed the laptop, ending our Skype call.

I gripped my hair in my hands. That was when the tears started to fall. I didn't like crying. I never cry anymore. I'm not weak the way they said I was.

Stop crying, Kyle.

"You're a pathetic piece of shit."

"I wouldn't care if you never existed."

"I can't. I can't." I knelt down my wall and rocked back and forth. They were coming back. It was all coming back. The anxiety. The depression. It was coming back.

This was my vulnerable state.

...

"Kyle! How've you been?"

"Hi, Misty." I gave her a warm smile and walked towards her, engulfing her into a rather big hug. "Where's Lorenna?"

"Oh, she's been a bit sick lately."