Gwendalynn: The Girl With Cancer

Gwendalynn | 40

When it all ended...

APRIL - 2013

I was in Mrs. Garland's class when I was told to be sent to the office saying that I would be leaving for the day. I knew what was to come. Gwen was dying.

I hurriedly retrieved my belongings and stuffed them in my book bag. I practically ran to the office once I had everything. When I saw my parents, everything in me just... broke. They had red puffy faces. Kory was still crying. He'd stayed a little longer since he knew that Gwen wasn't going to be doing well. He wanted to be there for her until she... passed, so he hasn't left back to NYU yet.

I wasn't sure how long or how fast it took to get to the hospital. Like a couple weeks before when I had thrown a punch and created a hole into my wall, I blacked out.

Suddenly, I was staring at the dirty tiled white floor of the hospital as my family and I kept walking. Then my dad's hand was on the hospital door handle. He opened the door.

George was sitting next to Gwen, his face just as bad as everyone else's. Denise was covering her mouth, on the other side of the bed, tears rushing down her cheeks.

Gwen hugged her parents before asking to just speak to my parents alone. I was a little hurt to be honest. Why wasn't I the first she'd want to talk to? And why would she want to speak to my parents?

George and Denise nodded and pushed me and Kory outside. We sat in the waiting room. I don't know how long, but then my parents came out. I stood up, hoping she'd want to talk to me next.

They shook their heads. "Kory." Mom said.

It was like another punch in the stomach. I sat back down slowly. Kory lifted his head in shock. He glanced at me and put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. I began to bite my finger nails. This was getting ridiculous.

My breathing got heavier and heavier. I wiped my eyes furiously, not daring to cry right now. The waiting room wasn't crowded, but it was filled. There were people just waiting, as they should, considering it was the waiting room. However, there were others crying just like me. I was glad I wasn't alone.

Finally, Kory came out.

"Kyle," he said.

I jerked my head up to meet his gaze. His eyes glistened of unshed tears. I wasn't sure if I could stand really, but after a few seconds, I regained the power over my legs and strolled to Gwen's room. When I opened the door, she was looking out the window, her face spotless of any tears, unlike all of us.

I took a seat next to her. She finally laid her eyes on me. A tear had mistakenly fallen without me blinking. Slowly, she lifted a shaky hand and wiped it away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice extremely raspy.

I shook my head and put her hand back on the bed. "There's nothing you should be sorry for."

She bit her chapped bottom lip and blinked. "That's where you're wrong. I have everything to be sorry for."

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears in as long as possible.

She continued. "I knew you would get attached and I told you, but I kept you."

"You can't be sorry for that. You can't be sorry for us."

"No. I'm sorry that I'm not sorry."

It took me a moment to let that register into my head. She was saying she wasn't sorry that I got attached. She wasn't sorry that we went through so much, because at the end of the day, we were still happy. She wasn't sorry for letting it get this far.