Gwendalynn: The Girl With Cancer

Gwendalynn | Gwen OneShot #2

 When you did something crazy... - Gwen

OCTOBER - 2011

Dear Kory,

I did something awful a few hours ago. Kyle had invited me to a Halloween party that his friends suggested he go to. I feel like he was forced to go, or maybe he forced himself to ask me. Either way, I don't think he wanted me or him to be there and now I don't blame him.

I don't want to embarrass myself (not like I already haven't), but I feel like I should tell you this. Kyle's your brother and I want to know what you'd think he'd say, what he thinks, if he hates me. I hate myself so it's understandable.

Anyway, I stole some money from my mom and hurried to the thrift store and bought a pretty exposing Halloween costume. I'm humiliated now that I think about my actions. I gave too much of a show to guys that shouldn't have seen me in such a provocative way. Kyle hasn't even seen me dressed the way I was, but for some reason, I was an idiot and I dressed as a stupid police officer.

At the time when I was at the store, the idea of being dressed the way I was was very appealing. I thought Kyle would look at me like he wanted me. When I say that, I don't mean it in a 'lovey' way. He wouldn't see me as his fragile goodie-good girlfriend and he wouldn't treat me the way he usually does. Again, at the time, the idea was appealing.

For some reason, I wanted Kyle to see me in a different way.

Now I know where that's gotten me, but Kyle is always so careful with me. Sometimes, I want him to be more. I want him to take risks, do things we're not used to. I'm not implying sex or anything because I know Kyle would never take advantage of me like that - even if I begged.

I wasn't expecting sex, really. I was expecting a different side of him. I didn't want the oh-so loving Kyle I always see. I wanted to see a Kyle who was... turned on, I guess. I don't know. The point is it didn't work.

I realized that when I got into the car.

Kyle wasn't pleased with the way I looked even though I had put so much effort into it, so when we got to the party, I was fed up with him. I noticed some other guys looking at me the way I wanted Kyle to look at me, but Kyle never did.

I know I'm stupid for enjoying the smirks from other boys when my amazing boyfriend is standing right next to me, but I was getting feelings I never got, especially from Kyle. So I took a risk.

When Kyle wasn't looking, I slipped away and found another boy who was bound to be extremely drunk so he probably wouldn't remember a thing in the morning. He offered me a drink which was sure to be alcohol, and of course my stupidity took over and I drank it. It's safe to say I'm a lightweight.

At some point, we started dancing and doing things I probably shouldn't have done with someone who wasn't my boyfriend. I know it's awful, but when he started touching me, I felt different, and it was a good different. I never experienced this and I wanted to experience it with one person, and that person wasn't willing to do that for me.

I guess the guy and I were so drunk (which is odd because now, I'm pretty sober), that we started kissing.

And then Kyle found me.

Before I knew it, he was throwing fists at the guy who had no idea of my relationship status, but even if he had, he might've not cared. However, after the fight had subsided and Kyle's friend took hold of his arms, the other guy’s girlfriend approached him, and Kyle told her what he and I did.

All we did was kiss, Kory, and it's terrible. I should've pulled away; I should've listened to Kyle. You know, better yet, I should've stayed home and did something with him. Something that we both would be comfortable with. I'm an idiot for putting our relationship at such a stake and I'm sorry. I feel awful.

But that's not even the worst part.

Kyle was my ride home and he was so upset that as soon as we left the party minutes after the fight, he didn't say a word to me until about half way to my house. I finally apologized, gaining the courage to say what I had to say, but at some point, my head was reeling with so many thoughts that I told him I loved him.

I told Kyle that I loved him.

And he didn't say it back.

Not that I really expected him to, but there was still a slight hope that he'd forgive me and everything would be fine, but after what I did, I knew that that wasn't the case. Heck, if he had done what I did, I'd do the same thing.

I need help, Kory. I think I screwed up my first relationship.

I really do love him and I feel awful for hurting him. Please write back as soon as you can.

-          Gwen

...

Another OneShot! The one where Gwen is first diagnosed when she's ten will be posted July 4 because guess what that is!...

Gwyle's anniversary!!! So cute! Anyways, I felt like posting this OS because it's been a while since I posted my newest chapter on Splinters and I'm still working on it, so I thought that all my TGWC that are reading Splinters at the moment would like this to pass off the time for finishing chapter 12. It's going smoothly and I'm glad to say it'll be a crazy one. 

Anyways, hope you guys like! If any of you haven't read my new story Splinters, please go check it out. If you have, comment below what you think of this OS and maybe suggest another OS you'd like? Maybe the conversation Gwen & Alice had on PromNight or maybe a conversation Gwyle would have that you'd like to read. Whatever you guys want. 

Thanks for reading!

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