Gwendalynn: The Girl With Cancer

Gwendalynn | 42

When I chose my future...

JUNE - 2013

"I wonder what you look like with black hair." Gwen said quietly, staring at my face from my lap.

We were watching a movie at the moment. My parents were in the kitchen trying out something new Mom had made.

I furrowed my eyebrows, staring down at my girlfriend. "I probably look weird."

"Let's see," Gwen giggled, sitting up from her position.

I was confused when she took off her fake hair and put it on me.

I scrunched my nose in annoyance. "It's itchy."

Gwen began laughing. She parted the hair and shook her head, smiling. She took out her phone and attempted taking a few pictures as I continuously tried taking off the wig. She protested and put her hand on my head, trying to keep it on as she struggled to capture a shot. Once I complied, a snap was heard from the phone. She lowered it and gave me a weird look.

"What?"

"You're not really cute as a girl." Gwen confessed, trying not to laugh.

I rolled my eyes, taking the wig off. "That's because I'm not."

I wrapped my arms around my girlfriend and pulled her towards me, kissing her everywhere on her face.

"Kyle, stop!" she giggled.

I didn't. I was just glad to have her in my arms. Words really can't explain how lucky I was to have her and to have her love me back. Afterwards, I stopped and Gwen sat in my lap, her head against my chest with an arm around my torso, watching the Knowing. She played with the edge of my shirt.

"I love you, Kyle."

I rest my chin on top of her head. "I love you too."

Suddenly, I opened my eyes. My face was wet as I stared at my room ceiling. There were a few seconds of confusion until everything came back. Gwen wasn't alive anymore.

I had dreams about her a lot, but none of them felt as real as the one I just had. I turned on my side and stared at my wall, letting myself cry a little bit more. I let out a shaky breath as I began reminiscing about my girlfriend. I wanted her back more than anything. I wanted to die.

I was interrupted of my thoughts when I spotted something move in front of me. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me until the same thing moved again. I got up, taking a closer look at the wall a few feet from the left side of my bed.

As my vision adjusted, I noticed it was a spider. Groaning, I got up and went to my closet. Picking up a tennis shoe, I hurried back towards the wall and began murdering the little insect. Once it had fallen to the floor, I grabbed a tissue and threw it away.

Slumping back on my bed, I remembered when Gwen had called me around eleven or midnight and told me there was a spider in her room and how she couldn't stop freaking out. I smirked, the memory a little funny. I felt like the memory was fake though, as if I'd created it and forced myself to believe it happened.

Sometimes I wondered if Gwen ever lived, if she were just a figure of my imagination, but everytime I had a dream about her, I remembered she did live in my life at a point. I remembered when I read another story she'd written. I remembered when I read a poem she'd dedicated to me.

But as time went on, it began to feel like my dreams were the only things I really had left of her, to really remember her by.

I tried to not think about Gwen and in no time, I went to sleep, knowing tomorrow was going to be a busy day.