Silver Lining - The Host fanfiction

Chapter 86 The Griever

When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.

-Alan Paton

Burns

My mind is still trying to process what happened. I keep seeing the body of Droplets in the Morning Sun drop to the ground.

Should I have dome something different? Said something? I could have talked to him. Would he have listened?

Will's cruel and careless words repeat themselves in my mind. How can anyone be so indifferent and disrespectful towards life?

I can't forget the look in the Soul's eyes when he recognized me. Why did it have to be someone I've met?

And I scold myself for thinking that way. It shouldn't matter whether or not I have met the Soul they brought back. All life is precious.

And two lives were lost today.

Because of human cruelty.

I can't be around any of them now. Not even Emma. I know she's on my side, she tried to punch Will, she didn't know Droplets in the Morning Sun, but she knew how his death affected me. Still, she is one of them.

I betrayed my kind for her.

'But I didn't kill.'

I sigh. I knew this would be hard when I promised Nate to help him. I just didn't realize how hard.

My hands are shaking. I can't get rid or the images in my mind and I take a few deep breaths. This day had begun so promising. I worked with Logan all day to prepare the second greenery. I like working with my hands. David was good at it and now his knowledge comes in handy.

How could I ever think this would work out? Souls and humans can't co-exist. They'll never understand each other.

No.

That's not true.

There are some that understand.

Emma.

Nate.

Blake.

They wanted to help, but I know it's dangerous for them to get their hands on the necessary equipment. I don't want them to get hurt just to help me. Just like I never wanted another Soul to get hurt.

I sigh.

Emma.

I brushed her off earlier. I shouldn't have done that. She was only looking out for me. I should apologize to her. None of this is her fault.

My muscles are stiff when I get up. I must have been here for a while.

Outside the tunnel, Carlos is sitting against the wall. Has he been here the entire time? He looks up when I appear and gets to his feet. "You alright?" he asks.

I nod. "I'll be fine."

"Look," he says, "not everyone agrees to Will's methods. This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm sorry."

I nod again. There's not much I can say.

"Nate's really angry," Carlos continues, "he told everyone that the next person that brings back a Soul will be kicked out of here."

"That doesn't sound right," I say quietly. No mater how cruel humans can be, this is still their home. I'm the only intruder here.

"You are one of us, Burns," Carlos says, "that means they acted out of line. They should have listened when you said it wouldn't work."

I sigh. "That was before they left on the raid. You didn't like me then either."

Carlos looks down. "I know. I'm sorry. I was wrong about you."

"It's not your fault," I tell him, "if I were in your shoes, I probably would have acted the same way. My kind destroyed yours."

He is silent after that, but he pats my shoulder. "Ready to face the others?" he asks.

I frown. "Where is everyone?"

"Nate's holding a get-together."

Right. I had forgotten about that. They're all partying while I'm sitting here feeling miserable.

"Come on," Carlos says, "let's go see if there's any food left. And Emma's worrying about you."

A sigh escapes my lips. I don't want her to worry. She had enough to deal with.

...

I follow Carlos to the large tunnel where we usually get together. The room is crowded. In the corner I can see Logan playing Emma's guitar. Does that mean Emma is here too?

It takes me a while to find her. And when I do I have to stare. She's dancing with Blake. And she's never looked more beautiful. He's holding her close. It's the first time I've ever seen her relaxed in his presence.

They look good together.

It's making me feel like an outsider.

"It's ridiculous really."

I turn my head to met Rachel's eyes. She's been staring at Blake and Emma too.

"What's it about her that makes her so special? She's not prettier than me. She's socially awkward and a klutz. Still, Blake can't stay away from her and neither can you." She glances at me. "Why is that?"

I blink at her. She doesn't sound hostile. She only sounds defeated.

I look back towards Emma. What makes her special? I have no idea. "She's Emma," I say.

Rachel's eyes are on me again. "You really like her, don't you?"

I feel myself smiling. "Yeah."

'Why don't you ask her for a dance then?" Rachel asks.

I shake my head. "She seems comfortable enough with Blake. I don't want to ruin it. Besides, I can't dance."

"Neither can Emma," Rachel snorts.

I tilt my head. "She seems to be doing fine."

"That's because Blake can dance." She sighs. "We took lessons together. Though he probably doesn't remember that."

I bite my lip. "You... like Blake, don't you."

She looks away, her eyes downcast. "I know he doesn't care for me that way and I'm fine with that. It's just... why does he have to like her?"

"Do you think she likes him too?" I ask.

Rachel glances at me and shrugs. "I don't know. They didn't hang out much at school, but they knew each other well. Something with their parents." She sees my expression and sighs. "Don't worry so much. She likes you."

"Does she?" Emma's arms are around Blake's neck and I feel a pang of jealousy again.

Rachel smiles amused. "Just step in. He won't fight you for it."

"I can't dance, remember?"

Rachel shrugs. "Then you need to find someone that can."

I stare at her and she smiles.

"Come," she says and she walks out.