Silver Lining - The Host fanfiction

Chapter 18 The Questioner

“There are too many people

And too few human beings.”
            - Robert Zand

 

Emma

 

Night has fallen and the only light we have is from the fire and the stars.
And from the silver shining behind Burns’ eyes.
I can’t help it that my breath stocks for a moment and a shiver runs down my spine. Just as always, he notices my discomfort and he gives me an apologetic look. “I can keep my eyes closed if you want.”
I bite my lip guiltily and shake my head. “No. It’s fine. I’m just… not used to it yet.” To be honest, his eyes are unsettling and I don’t think I will ever feel any other way, but I don’t want to ruin tonight.

It’s quiet and I suddenly realize how odd that is. It is a Friday night. Humans would go out. There would be noise in the streets, cars driving by with loud music pounding from the speakers, drunken people shouting obscenities.
But there’s none of that. The night is quiet and peaceful and it has been like that for a along time. I just haven’t noticed until now.
I sigh and crawl into my sleeping bag, watching the stars. When I was younger, and my parents still had time for me, my father taught me the different constellations of the Northern hemisphere. I don’t remember all of them, but some I can still pick out.
There’s Orion, the Hunter. And the Dragon. I can find the Ursa Major and calculate the distance to the Pole Star. I should probably be able to navigate my way because of that, but I’ve never really tried.
When I first ran, I didn’t really care where I was going and now there seems to be no point.
The stars use to have a calming effect on me, but now I’m slightly scared. I wonder what else is out there.
Beside me, Burns is lying down too and I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I don’t feel like talking anymore right now. My head is swamped with confusing thoughts. It takes a long time before I finally fall asleep.

***

It’s the first time I wake up before him. I can tell from looking at the sky that it’s still early. Perhaps it’s because I’m sleeping outside again after days of living in a house.
Slowly I sit up and rub my eyes. The fire has burned out somewhere during the night, leaving nothing but ash.
I steal a glance at Burns. It’s the first time I have a chance to study him without him noticing. In his sleep he looks so innocent. Hs ginger hair sticks out even more that usual and his breathing is deep and even.
I look at him but I can’t think of him as an alien anymore. How can I when he is so human? They all are. At least all the good parts of humanity. I’ve seen it for the past few days. Souls are naturally kind, generous, honest, which at one point, I’m sure we considered to be good traits. How did we alienate ourselves from that?
I’m not naïve. I know our world wasn’t perfect, but did we really screw up that badly? When did we stop being humane? It makes me wonder if the Souls aren’t right. Maybe they can make this planet a better place.
Which doesn’t give them the right to invade our planet, but let’s be honest, somewhere along the line, humanity took a wrong turn and went completely off track.
I feel like I’m caught in the Twilight Zone. Part of my brain screams at me that my logic is twisted. That there must be something I’m overlooking. That the world as it was might not have been perfect, but it wasn’t completely derailed either.
Another part of my brain knows they are right. And that is a really scary thought.

“What is it?”Burns’ voice suddenly says and I realize I must have been staring for a long time. When did he wake up? I haven’t even noticed. “Do I have something on my face?” he sits up.
“No, I … was just thinking.”
“About what?” he asks. I shake my head. I don’t want to share my thoughts with him. “you’re not helping my research you know,” he tells me, “I want to know human thoughts.”
Maybe that’s the problem. “Don’t you have human thoughts of your own?” I ask him, “since you’re in a human body.”
“Yes, but they are thoughts from my view of your planet. I want to compare them to a real human’s view and see if they are alike.”
“That wouldn’t help you much,” I say, “everybody experiences things differently. My thoughts may differ from an other human’s thoughts.”
“I’ve never seen a planet where the creatures are so different from one another,” Burns sighs, “how did you understand one another?”
“Most of the time we didn’t I guess,” I say softly. Maybe that had been the problem all along. “I suppose it’s different with close friends,” I continue, “they often share the same opinion on certain things. And sometimes you may encounter people that view things the same way you do. And those people may understand each other. But more often we didn’t.”
“It’s a shame,” Burns says, “you humans have such a beautiful planet. So much variety.”
“Maybe that is why humans vary so much for each other,” I muse.
“Maybe,” Burns agrees with me.
“You keep saying you want to understand humans, but you don’t get it. You don’t see anything wrong with what you did. Do you?” He starts to shake his head, but I continue. “You say your kind can’t live without a host body.” He nods. “What if someone would pull you out of that host body and leave you on the ground to die?”
Burns looks at me abhorred. “That… that is a horrible thing. Why would anyone do something so cruel?” I  stare at him pointedly as realization hits him. “But…but that’s not the same thing,” he says, “we don’t… kill… we just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead he sighs. “I can never make you understand, can I?”
“Just like you will never understand me,” I say softly. I don’t want this to lead to another argument. We’re at moot point. Perhaps it is a good thing. I was getting comfortable here. I’ve been letting my guard down. One week. That’s all it took to break my resistance. I have to get away from here.
I bit my lip. I don’t really want to leave. I don’t want to be on the run again, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I stay. I’m afraid I will grow to like him too much and that he’ll betray me in the end.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Burns says, “I think we can, if we keep trying and meet somewhere in the middle.”
“Let’s not argue,” I say while standing up, “can I use the bathroom first?”
“Sure.” He nods at me confused and I hurry into the house. When I pass the mirror in the hall I pause to glance at my reflexion. My eyes are still the same. There’s no silver hue around the irises. Does that mean I’m still human?  How long does it take to change someone?
I sigh and the girl in the mirror does the same.
I need a solid plan. Maybe if we go somewhere, a place that he’s not familiar with, he won’t look for me when I run.
Burns’ face appears behind mine in the mirror. “I thought you were going to the bathroom,” he smiles.
“I was thinking…,” I change the subject. My eyes stay trimmed on the mirror. “Perhaps we could visit your friend Scales after all.”
Burns’ eyes widen in surprise. “What brought this on?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. He has a nice voice. Perhaps… perhaps you are right. If I’m going to live here, I need to get used to other Souls. What better way to do that  than to visits a friend of yours. Someone you know.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, though he had no reason to distrust me. At least as far a she knows.
“Yeah,” I say and force out a smile.
“Good. I’ll call him back and let him know we’re coming.”
“No,” I quickly say, “we should surprise him. Don’t tell him we’re coming. He is at home, right?” Burns nods. “Where does he live anyway?” I ask.
“In Tucson. It’s a long drive.”
“That’s okay,” I tell him. I just want to get on the road. And the more miles between this place and that, the more chance I have to get away.
Burns nods again, but I can see the confusion in his eyes. Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer, but I don’t want to take that risk.
“Alright,” Burns says, “we’ll go. We can leave today if you’re up for it. Let’s pack.”
I dare a small smirk. “Can we have breakfast first?”
“Sure,” Burns laughs, “and even that shower you wanted. If you want to go first, I’ll start on breakfast and ten we’ll pack our bags.”
“Great,” I say and rush into my room to get a clean set of clothes. I close the door and lean against it. That was a close call. I always thought myself good liar, but with him I am not sure. Souls may be naive, they’re not stupid. I have to choose my words with care. And I’m still not sure if I can trust him. Being on the road is one way to be more certain. At least he won’t be able to call any Seekers any time soon. At least not without me knowing. We will be cramped up in a car together after all.
Quickly I gather a few clothes and head into the bathroom.
It’s ironic if you think about it. I could leave the door wide open and he wouldn’t take a peek, but he could call the Seekers on me any minute and despite of that I lock the bathroom door, but continue to live with him. Talk about messed up situations. Another reason to take the high road.

When I get out, tea is waiting for me and Burns is making scrambled eggs while the toaster pops out two slices of bread. He casts me a smile over his shoulder, taking in my outfit and damp hair. “You look nice,” he says.
Why that makes my stomach flutter I will never understand.

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Please check out the little song I posted with this chapter. Doesn't it fit the mood?
Heh heh trouble is right around the corner.