Rose:
My new con. Find and possibly kill Briac Bledig. The man who is said to have killed my brother.
I hide everything, it's my job. The life of a grifter is dangerous, if someone finds out who you are, you're dead faster than you can say 'thief'...
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Rose
It was there.
The answer to my colossally important question and I dodged it. Cane was most likely talking about the night my brother died and I stopped him from telling me everything. I had him ground himself then never brought it up.
I could have coaxed him to say it, to tell me everything that happened during the 'mission that went wrong' but I didn't.
I could have asked Cane who Hollywood and Club are, find out which one is my brother. But I didn't.
I could have told him a great way to process trauma is to talk it through, to name the pieces of pain, that telling his story could free him from his shackles. But I didn't.
I could talk to Briac, ask him about PTSD and ways to help Cane since he knows what happened. It would give me the in for talking with Briac and find out about the mission while supporting Cane. Two birds, one stone. Then I could move on, make my judgement. But I didn't.
So many 'I could have'. Too many 'I didn't'.
I let my emotions, let Cane run me. It was painful watching him have that PTSD episode, the moment it started all I could think of was helping him get out of his memories and bring him back the present. To safety. To me.
The idea of thinking about Stephen and my reason for being here went out the window the second Cane's eyes filled with pain.
Cane is a man who has shown me his vulnerabilities. A man who I lie to. A man I am emotionally attached to. A man who would feel pain if he ever found the truth of who I really am.
Am I horrible for putting my dead brother to the side? Yes, I focused on Cane how could I not? He is a good man who was suffering. But I am here for my brother, and now I am distracted emotionally by a man who was in his unit.
Most likely there when he died.
I'll say it again, I'm going to hell.
"Tell me something real about you." I turned from my notepad with my inventory list of alcohol that I had been taking in the basement of the clubhouse. Cane was leaning against the door frame. His face blank.
He disappeared after everything yesterday and I let him. His head was a mess and he felt torn, exhausted, he needed to ride in silence. Part of me wanted to go with him, to slide on his bike and ride with no end in sight.
But I couldn't and I know why.
I am getting scared of what kind of attachment I am feeling towards him, the emotion he gives me.
I chuckled away the thoughts putting on a smile looking at him, a smile I already know Cane can see through. "I'm getting really sick of the rock music upstairs. I already know I am on the highway to hell, can't sing it every day. Halocene is really good, still rock with a bit of a twist, something different."
