STILES | AVENGERS

15. She Saved Me Again

Trigger ⚠️ warning ahead.
Please don't read if you have problem with suicide or depression.

"Come on." Clint says, interlacing their fingers and guiding Phil to the table. Where Natasha and pepper were successfull to coax Issac. "Let's just take the opportunity to relax and process ourselves, alright?"

Phil nods and follows readily. The others break off into small groups but remain on the floor, wanting to remain ready for whenever Stiles returns. After waiting for what feels like hours but in reality ony ten minutes Jarvis's voice spoke.

"Stiles have requested to talk to Agent Barton and Sargent Barns. If it's ok with everyone."

Thay all looked at each confused but also relieved that stiles was ready to talk to someone. Only Issac was the one who was able to understand why stiles choose Bucky and Clint to talk or maybe a warning.

"Yes Jarvis we we don't have any problem. Just tell us when we can come." Clint said, looking at everyone who nod there heads in agreement.

Jarvis speaks agin after whole fifteen minutes.

"Agent Barton and Sargent Barns you both can come to elevator doors, stiles is ready to let you in."

Thay didn't say a word just walk towerd elevator, and entered it as doors open.

______________________________________

"JARVIS," Stiles manages to croak as the elevator doors close. "Please.... Don't let...." He falls to his knees, gasping.

"I'll keep them away." The AI responds softly. "As long as you aren't in danger. But that means you need to breathe Stiles."

"Trying." He gasps.

"I know. On my count. Breathe in... hold... exhale... hold... inhale..." Stiles concentrates only on the gentle pattern of JARVIS's words, blocking everything else out. After several long minutes, Stiles no longer feels like he is suffocating. He pushes himself off his knees and sits in the corner, using the walls to hold himself upright.

"Are you alright, Stiles?" JARVIS asks.

Stiles sighs. He lets his head thump back against the wall. "I don't know." He admits quietly. "This is the first time I have actually let myself think about this stuff. I have been pushing it away for so long... I blocked all of this like a nightmare.... I guess it caught me off guard."

"Is this about what you have shared or what you have yet to?"

"What I am about to." Stiles mutters. "This is the part where everything really changed JARVIS. I think no one really forgave me for what happened. I haven't forgave myself. My friends... they looked at me differently after this. What if that happens here too? I am not sure I can handle that. I let myself get too invested." Stiles focuses on keeping his breathing even.

JARVIS waits until he's calmed down to respond. "Your faith in these people in not misplaced, Stiles. They are good people. Ones who care about you a great deal. They will not turn from you... whether you decided to tell them or not. Every one of them has something in their past. They have been through rough times, done things they are not proud of. Some more than others. Several have portions of their history they close down and try their best to ignore. Even one of your past who know what your about to tell is here to help you. Not one of them will hold the fact that you do against you."

Stiles screws his eyes closed. "But it's... it's really bad, JARVIS. The things I did, the things it made me do..."

"It... made... you... do?" JARVIS repeats slowly.

Stiles considers a moment. If he can't tell JARVIS, how he is supposed to tell the others? "There was ... I got... I was possessed." He spits finally. "It made me do things, terrible things. I hurt nearly everyone I care about. How am I supposed to live with the memories I have of my body not being my own? I can still feel how I felt then. My friends couldn't forgive me for something I had no control of. I don't know how to reconcile it all."