Thicker Than Ink

Twenty One

  By the time Pop actually gets the message and takes a hike my shivers are coming in waves, still reacting to the sour scent he always leaves in the air from his natural bitterness, my wolf wanting so badly to chase him down and make sure he understands that I mean it this time... He isn't welcome here... Not at my house... Not at Ma's... Not around this pack and sure as hell not around Addy... My mate's wolf clawing at my mind both to push me away and also to make sure that I don't leave as I try to calm him through our link, my body needing time to realize that I am not going to take off right now for a run before I can head back inside and show him that everything is okay... That Mason is gone... And that I'm sorry that this got so out of hand when he was still feeling small and sensitive... 

Unfortunately though... My wolf doesn't show any signs of stopping its anxious raising of our hackles any time soon... My determination not to shift not stopping the pushing of his paws against my mind trying to convince me to either free him or seek out Addy... The latter being the obvious choice... My feet slowly pulling me in the right direction, the front door seeming more and more overwhelming as I get closer... My nerves too on edge for me to drop my shoulders even when my hand reaches for the door... My hesitation wiped away when a sudden sob on the other side of it reaches my ears, the door swinging open as I carry myself inside only to find my beautifully sweet mate curled around himself on the floor at the start of the hallway... His head held previously held in his hands snapping up so his eyes can meet mine as his tears stream their way down his distressed face... 

For a moment I feel frozen... I can't do anything but stand here and watch as his still frame pulls in a deep haggard breathe with his bottom lip trembling and it feels like I'm watching the tide go out before the wave comes... The way his face contorts when he finally lets out the sob that's been building at the back of his throat shattering my heart into a million pieces as his hands reach out to me...

After the sob finally breaks I can't seem to get inside fast enough, my sweet beautiful mate seeming to be just as broken over this as Pop's foot, his emotions bouncing all over the place relief and pain written all over his face, his body language broadcasting how unsure he is of me as I pull him into my arms... His panic attack more terrifying than usual with how he's both fighting and leaning into me with the fiercest of clings... His fear leaving such an acrid taste in my mouth that my entire tongue feels like it might shrivel up inside my head as I hold him against my chest and do my best to lay my residual anger aside so that I can bring him up from the deep murky bottom that his drop has led him to.

...

Adrian

...

He left...

He was at the door after yelling and instead of letting him in, I had locked the door and... And he...

He left...

Daddy left...

He ran outside after Mason and my heart had dropped so far into my stomach that it felt like the whole world had gone black for a moment... It had felt like half of my heart had been ripped out of my chest while the remaining half shattered right there in my chest and now it's poking me all over... It didn't feel good...

And it still doesn't feel good... It feels so sharp that every little move just causes more and more tears and I can't tell up from down, the feel of Silas's arms wrapped around me feeling both like a comfort and like a restraint... And I don't know if I want to pull away or if I want to curl into him and take every ounce of comfort from him that he's offering to me, his growls at the moment only making me even more riled up than I already am as I wait anchored in the sand drowning under the weight of my own emotions... Sucked down here in the midst of my spiral...

His scent does its best to work wonders in my nose... But I still feel like I can't trust that he's really here... I feel like I shouldn't lean into him... He was so mad... He got so angry and he looked so angry when he looked at me and part of me wishes that I could run away and hide until that look fades away from where it's been burned into the back of my eyelids...

It's hard not to struggle against the hands that feel like they are half restraining me, half holding me... The vice grip that Silas has around me both reassuring and scary all at the same time as I try and relearn the beat of how my heart should be pacing itself because he left... Trying so desperately to remind myself that he came back... His words reminding me on a loop, "I'm right here, Princess... I'm right here and I'm so sorry, Baby... I am so so so sorry... I'm right here, I promise.."

His words answer the statement that keeps finding the time to fall from my lips in the space between my sobs... My saddened and broken words amounting to no more than a repeat of, "Y-You left! Y-Y-Y-You l-left m-me!" My own heartbreaking when I pick up on the pain I'm causing him by my display of emotion and the hurt in my voice... He knows... He knows I'm just scared... Frightened... But it doesn't not hurt to know that I'm hurting him while he tries to calm me... 

But I don't know what to do...