Thicker Than Ink

Thirty Six

Carrying my sweet clingy Princess back to bed after brushing our teeth together somehow feels different... And maybe it's just that we had a long day... But whatever it is it has me lingering next to the bed so that I can hold my clingy sweetheart for just a little bit longer because how the hell is it fair for anyone to expect me to put my heart down when he's snuggled so sweetly in my arms?

I know that I still get to hold him when I climb into the bed next to him... But last night I had hoped to hold him too and he has pushed my hand away and im terrified that he might do it again even if there isn't a reason other than he no longer wants to be held at night or that he feels too hot to be cuddled up... I know it shouldn't bother me as much as it does right now, but before yesterday I had never been so self-conscious about how much I need to hold him... Or the fact that I need to hold him just as much as he needs to be held sometimes... I need the cuddles too...

So if it means standing here for a few minutes longer so I can get some snuggles from my sweet Bean while I bounce us from side to side while he clings to me giving me the most adorable nuzzles... Then that's what a going to happen as long as he's comfortable and doesn't object or start feeling fussy from not laying down right away...

Daddy just needs a few minutes... And my Angel knows that it's just for a few minutes... The kisses getting pressed onto his forehead and hair so genuine with how they communicate how much I love and adore him... I'm so ready to put last night so far back in the review mirror that it disappears until it's time to bring it up in therapy so that way I can stop worrying about not being able to indulge the love language we both share... Touch... So... Just a minute or two with my Sweet Bean safe and sound in my arms...

I...

I just love him so much...

I can't imagine never being able to sleep again because my sweet soft mate isn't bundled up in my arms right where he should be... I don't know how to tell him how much I need him without making myself sound foolish... Because I know it'll sound corny if I tell him that he's my whole world... My whole reason for being a better man than I used to be...

That he makes me feel more human than wolf for the first time in my life and that I don't think I could ever go a single day without him... What if he leaves me I'd become a shell of a man knowing that I failed to care for him properly and gave him a reason to walk out the door... That I'll do whatever it takes to show him that I'm not the kind of man or mate that Mason was... That he's my number one in every situation... That I'll always have his back and that I'll do my best to give him whatever he asks me to... That I'll be here to hold him always... And that my pinky promises will never be broken on purpose...

That I'll love him more than I've ever known how to love myself and that loving him is showing me how to do that better...

I know that it'll sound cheesy if I say it out loud... He'll... Even if I say it mentally... But somehow I'll manage to tell him... Maybe not all at once... But eventually, I'm hoping I can manage to communicate it well enough that the devotion and love I feel for him will be something he hears about every single day because he deserves to hear it...

...

Adrian

...

I hadn't expected Daddy to stay standing up so long but he's being so gentle with me that it doesn't even matter... My eyes stay closed and I stay limp with my thighs doing most of my part of the work to keep me attached as close as possible as he bounces us back and forth slow and steady... The whole thing has me drifting in and out of sleep so softly that everything just kind of blends together so beautifully...

It feels so nice that I can't imagine ever objecting to these kinds of extra cuddles... It feels special to me and I know that it feels special to Daddy too... His mind looping over and over about how much he loves me... And if he bothered to check my head to see if I'm all the way asleep he'd notice that I'm doing my best to say it back to him... To tell him I love him and that I cherish him just as much as he cherishes me, even if my mental state is too sleepy to say it very loudly...

I know that one day he'll hear it just like he knows one day I'll hear him... Even if he isn't noticing that I'm hearing it right now...

I'd tell him, but I would hate to ruin this perfect sugary sweet before bed cuddly moment with talking... Instead, I just keep pressing my sleepy face into his neck to give him affection that's meant to be sleepy kisses but mostly seem to be tired nuzzles, my lips sitting on his skin so patiently waiting for me to make up my mind on whether or not we're giving kisses or if it's time to suck on Daddy's sweet spot to wrap us up in even more comfort than we're already surrounding each other in...

It's hard to decide... But I know Daddy doesn't mind... The way he steps forward to set me down in bed so careful that for a second it almost makes me blink my eyes open so that I can cry a little bit over how I can't believe he thinks that I don't understand the depth of the emotion he holds for me... But just like he's determined to show me every day... Even with my head as exhausted as I currently am... I know I'll manage to show him that I know... That I understand and that I love him back just as much...

Especially when he slides into bed behind me and doesn't hesitate to pull me back against his chest so we can get all tangled up and cozy so that we can actually sleep tonight... The kiss he presses against my neck putting a smile on my face just as the fogginess of my dreams starts taking hold...