Thicker Than Ink

Fifty Nine

'It's okay Daddy... I'm here... I'm right here... We both are... Me and our Nugget... All safe and sound with you... I know it helps Daddy feel safe to have us close... So we will be close... Okay?' The words my mate speaks when he enters the room float to me so silently that I almost think for a second that I've imagined them... The only audible sound being that of the door slowly closing and Addy slowly moving himself closer to where I am still crammed under the bed in a form too big to actually fit in the space down here...

The sound of his clothes rustling confuses me until my wolf peers out from where I am and find Addy's feet moving closer to us... A shiver in his step as he walks making itself apparent as it grows stronger and stronger until there are four paws on the ground next to me instead of human feet... My soulmate's wolf having come out to offer mine comfort and soothing... The way he doesn't hesitate to wedge himself right under the bed with me enough to make the tears I've been trying to keep from him all day finally start to fall...

The release of my emotions isn't met with the stress that I thought it would cause... Instead... Addy simply wedges himself closer and closer to me until he's damn near tucked underneath me... The sweet way his wolf laps at my tears as my wolf lets loose the rawness that feels like it's been eating at me since Pop wandered into the yard... It melts down my defenses even more... And there won't ever be a way for me to properly express to Him out loud how much his support means to me... How much his comfort means to me...

So instead...

I let him in...

Completely.

The smallest of barriers that we normally keep up out of respect for each other and not wanting to overwhelm each other all fall... And for only the second time since we've been together, Adrian gets exposed to all of me... The entire mess happening in my head right now...

And instead of shying away from it or getting stressed from it... He seems to understand what's going on... He knows that it's just Daddy needing to be honest with him right now... And like the angel he always is he lets me have my moment of weakness...

Except... This time... My soul doesn't shatter... I can't fall apart because mentally Adrian is holding on to me so right that he's keeping all of my broken pieces together...

...

Adrian

...

Silas's vulnerability right now feels so precious... And the fact that he's doing it while still fully aware that there are other people... Other wolves in the house...

It makes it that much more special... And that much more important...

There are very few times where I've been able to say for sure that Silas has felt weak and helpless... There have been times when he's been either or... But not both... And definitely never when someone as thick-headed as Grammy is around...

But right now... Right now he's letting me know that I make him feel safe...

That he trusts me...

He's trusting me to have his back as a human... And trusting me to be strong enough to protect the pack and his body as a wolf... And I feel honored knowing that his inner counterpart is on the same page as his human half is over whether or not I'm a capable Luna... I feel honored that he trusts me...

I know that we need to be careful with my stress levels right now... But now that I know Mason is stable and that Bethany is recovering nicely as well I feel safe shouldn't Silas's grief over what the day has become...

I can support my partner without it being a cause of stress for myself... Because he inst asking me to handle this for him... He's asking me to bear witness to it... Because it's what he needs right now... And I can do that.

Sometimes when life throws curveballs liken it did today at Silas it's not that the person necessarily needs the problem fixed or for someone else to take over the load of their stress... They just need someone there to hold their hand while they fall apart and unpack the emotions that the numbness that comes with the trauma to wear off...

Right now my mate just needs to feel seen... He needs me here so he knows he isn't alone... Because being alone with his own thoughts is scary right now... Because his anxiety is trying to make them circle down a very bad drain mentally...

He's just doing his best and he just wants someone here with him to make sure that his suffering doesn't go unnoticed... His soulmate and the only person in this world to understand how hard today was... Because he can and is showing me... The whole day through his eyes... His head replacing what happened to try and make it make sense...

Not just any person though...

He wants his soulmate...

He wants the mother of his child...

He wants his best friend...

He wants his life partner...

And all of those people are rolled up into one person...

Me.

And while with anyone else that kind of attachment would be overwhelming... With Silas, I understand where he's coming from...

Because I feel the same way about him.

He's my person... My reason for smiling in the morning right when I open my eyes and the reason why I feel safe at night when I close my eyes to sleep.

Just being here is enough for him right now... It's all that he's asking for and all that I can really offer...

And that's enough right now.

I am enough right now. Just being here... Just lapping away his tears while his wolf shakes and yips and howls and mourns the rocking of his world in such an awful way...

And to me...

Doing this for Silas won't ever be a burden. No matter how pregnant I am.

He shouldn't have to feel alone.