Thicker Than Ink

Twenty Eight

The hug takes longer than I expect, Silas needing a moment to cry and me needing a moment to just be held by him in order for our bodies and mind just take care of each other... Our wolves pushing out a very specific brand of comfort into the air that I don't think anyone else would really be able to understand... 

I hadn't realized how deeply me asking for space had affected us both, and while I know I will sometimes need to do it, I hope that next time it doesn't hurt so damn bad... Silas's tears had spoken volumes when he had let them seep into my shoulder and I know deep down last night didn't go down how he had planned it out whatsoever, and that I need to make sure that he knows that I really really am not upset with him... That yes, he does need to keep working on his anger issues... And I need to work on my separation anxiety... But we've already apologized to each other, and I don't see a point in trying to blame either of us for the disaster...

Right now with both of us calm, there isn't a need for that space to continue, our hug eventually melting into us being a puddle of tangled legs with Silas being the big spoon to my little spoon while we talk... Both of us in agreement to move our hesitant first therapy appointment closer so that way we can go ahead and get started being healthier... For ourselves, for each other... And for the baby... Silas being the one who actually made the call when he realized that even though I'm calm that the anxiety from last night isn't completely cleared from my system... The way he's fawning over me at the moment almost flustering with how he's being so gentle and speaking so carefully..."D-Do you maybe want to try and eat something for me, Baby? Just a little?"

...

Silas

...

It feels like right now everything is fragile... Addy is fragile... And I need to be careful not to break him with how delicate he still seems... How frazzled he is, even right now with us just whispering back and forth about how to maybe start working on our separation anxiety with each other so that way the next time one of us needs space it won't be as bad as both of us being left without any real restful sleep... Especially with him being pregnant and needing all of the meaningful rest he can get... With needing to keep his stress low to keep this pregnancy as healthy and uneventful as possible...

"I-It depends? I... I think I might be getting a migraine... If it's something small I'll try, Daddy..." I almost don't comprehend his answer with the way my mind immediately wraps itself around the word Daddy when it leaves his lips because up until this point Addy had been using my name and only my name... He hadn't felt safe enough to call me Daddy... So hearing it feels like a breath of fresh air and suddenly I can finally let my shoulders drop from how they had been tensed up even laying in bed with my Angel of a mate wrapped up tight in my arms... 

It takes a moment for my pounding heart to calm itself before I manage to figure out how to understand the rest of what he said without making him repeat himself... But once I do it only makes even more sense for me to possibly take Liam up on his offer of not worrying about overseeing things and spend time with my sweet Bean... The guilt that creeps up in my stomach over considering it making itself right at home with the guilt I feel over being partly responsible for causing his oncoming migraine, the stress we've been through since last night finally taking it's physical toll... Addy getting a migraine and me edging so close to exhaustion from not sleeping that I'm not entirely sure I'd be much of a help instead of a hindrance to the guys... "I'm sorry, Princess... I could make you some oatmeal? Or if you want a new batch of french toast? I'll make whatever you feel up for... And if you want I can call the Doctor and see if you can take anything over the counter for it too. Just let me know whatever I can do for you, Baby Boy..." 

...

Adrian

...

The change in Silas is visible when I finally let my tongue push out the word that somehow always manages to make us feel so close to each other... Somehow... Somehow me calling him Daddy always seems to melt away anxiety for us both... It brings comfort and makes me feel safer all tucked away like this in his arms... It makes him feel safer too I think... It lets him know that I mean what I say when I tell him that the two of us are fine and that I'm not mad at him like he thought I was all night long... It signals the end of my needing space completely, the hard things having been gotten out of the way so we could move forward...

And that's exactly what's happening... We're moving forward... And that is a good thing, my voice being found easier and easier as the two of us finally allow ourselves to relax, "Oatmeal sounds good... With blueberries maybe? Would that be okay Daddy?"

The smile Silas gives me is a sweet one, the way he leans in to kiss my cheek before answering me bringing a smile to my own face despite the ache that's starting to build up behind my temples... "With a scoop brown sugar in with it, Sweet Bean? And a few slices of banana?"

The way he knows how I normally take my oatmeal serves to further remind me that even though last night was awful, the two of us are still just us... Silas is still Silas... My sweet strong mate who adores me and loves breakfast food entirely too much.