Thicker Than Ink

Forty

"So... Should we count this as your first pregnancy craving? Should we write it down?" The smile on Silas's face that greets me when I look up from the block of extra sharp white cheddar that I haven't been able to get enough of lately, and before I can even giggle to him that yes, we should definitely write it down... On the grocery list... Because we most definitely are going to need more because I'm pretty sure that I'll be finishing this one soon... My sweet Daddy continues on to say something that floors me and leaves my heart wide open and so so happy that I almost can't stand it, "I think maybe else should get a journal and then write down all of the different firsts we have and then when our nugget is old enough we can show the little Bean how excited we were for each new thing."

His suggestion is so sweet that the bite of cheese I actually have snagged between my lips nearly falls to the counter where the two of us are currently making sandwiches together, Silas's with extra pickle slices and mine with probably more cheese than is actually good for me... A soft, "Aw... Daddy...." Falling from my lips over how cute he is... Even all sweaty and yummy in his clingy white t-shirt and jeans.

"What? Is... Would that be weird?" Silas rarely ever second-guesses himself... But it's becoming clear that when it comes to me being pregnant with our child he has no idea what he's doing or where to begin... But also that he just wants to try and get everything right so he doesn't feel like he's letting us down... Not that I think he ever really could.

...

Silas

...

"That's not weird, Daddy... It's sweet and it makes my heart melt... And I think I might actually have a little notebook somewhere that we could maybe decorate the front of, and add the Baby's name to whenever we find out what we're having and can decide on it." Addy's sweet answer makes me want to abandon the task at hand of making sure that there are enough vegetables hidden away in the folds of our sandwiches so we can at least pretend that our lunch isn't mostly consisting of cheese, pickles, and fluffy sourdough bread.

Every time he opens his mouth it leaves me feeling flushed and filled to the brim with appreciation over how wonderful he really is... The way he takes a second to lean into me before continuing to slice and eat more cheese than he's actually putting on his sandwich...

The difference between yesterday and today is shocking, and I can't be happier than I already am at the moment during our little lunch break... The love of my life eventually going to cause a cavity in every single one of my teeth... Cavities that I'll cherish and adore every day for the rest of my life.

"You don't think it's dorky?" The question falls out of my mouth before I really have a second to figure out if it's one I should even be asking... But my sweet Princess doesn't bat an eye at the insecurity he hears in my voice.

"Of course it's not dorky, Daddy... And even if it was that doesn't make it a bad idea..." Addy's voice gets quiet as he finally decides that he's had his fill of cheese and puts down the knife he was using to carve into it, his eyes serene and misty when he raises them to meet mine, "This is our first baby... I understand wanting to document everything... I think it's a thoughtful idea and that we should do it because I don't want to forget a single detail... Not one."

...

Adrian

...

Hearing my words makes my sweet Daddy just as emotional as I feel saying them out loud... And it somehow makes our lunchtime feel even more special than it usually does, Silas going back over to the fridge to grab what he deems the good mustard that he never seems to get enough of, the tang of it sure to play nicely with the sharpness of my cheese... Both of us smiling at each other as he squirts both of our sandwiches in the shape of the most adorable smiley faces before smearing the happy little stoneground seeds around a little bit with the knife and closing things up... Our meal officially ready when he tucks away the mustard and cheese back into the fridge while urging me to carry our plates over to the table... A bag of chips being snagged before my handsome mate joins me sitting down.

"Are you sure you don't want to have these outside like a picnic?" He's so cute double checking with me... But just like I told him earlier, my butt still could use a break from sitting on the ground in the same spot for hours.

"In here is fine. I figured you could use some air conditioning and my butt needs a break from sitting in the grass."  Just as the words leave my mouth I can see the wheels turning in Silas's head, his next question predictable to a fault.

"Are you not comfortable in that spot out there? You know, we could bring a chair out for you, you don't need to be on the ground, Babe." He's said it more than once before and offers every day to pull one of our kitchen or patio chairs over to the shady spot that I love so much... Just one of the fantastic ways that he manages to convey just how much he cares about me.

"I don't need a chair out there Daddy, my butt just needs a break sometimes, that's all." I can't keep the smile off my lips as I reach for my sandwich knowing that on the inside its mostly cheese and lettuce and mustard with just a hint of ham.

"Is that so? Should I keep that in mind for later?" The way Silas chuckles I know he isn't talking about me sitting down anymore, the snort that leaves me inviting us both to laugh at the way he wiggles his eyebrows at me waiting semi-seriously for his answer... Today's lunch seeming more and more delicious the longer we put off eating it to laugh with each other and be dirty birds for a few minutes.