Thicker Than Ink

Sixty Five

...

Silas

...

This is much better...

I know that we didn't mean to fall asleep on the floor earlier... I put myself under the bed on purpose to help myself feel safe... But I hadn't intended to fall asleep under there, much less to have Addy down there with me the whole time...

I know he knows it was an accident... But that doesn't mean that I'm not glad we made the effort to get in bed instead of under it this time...

I need my Baby to be comfortable and to be able to rest easily... I need to know he'll be able to actually get a meaningful amount of sleep because he needs extra rest right now... And not just because what is now technically yesterday was exhausting, even for me... And I'm not the one growing our child at the moment.

It's good to be in bed... All cuddled up and under the blankets together... If we weren't trying to go to sleep we would maybe light the fire just to help us try and relax and decompress a little bit more... But sleep is the goal... And I know both of us need it...

The dark circles under my sweet Cinnamon Roll's eyes are so dark and so deep that they look like they're actually hurting him, and from how my own face feels I know I probably look about the same... Yesterday was one hell of a day...

...

Adrian

...

I know it's a good idea to lay down... I know we are both beyond exhausted...

But I can't help but feel restless and ill at ease...

It's weird knowing that so much happened yesterday and yet we're still laying down in our bed... In the middle of the night in the dark...

Going to sleep?

When there is so much to do?

There is so much cleaning that still needs to be done now... And people that need to be tended to... Things that need to be done nesting-wise... And things that need to be done to keep the pack safe... Like finding out who was poaching... If they were poaching that is...

I feel like sleeping is the last thing on the list of things I need to do... And even though I know it's important...

I don't know if I can honestly close my eyes again and actually rest when I feel this way...

I feel so unsettled and so unable to do anything about it... Because it's the middle of the night and even if I do get up and try to approach what now feels like a massive list of things to do...

Everyone else is asleep...

Or at least trying to sleep...

I know I can't be the only one still up... Still haunted by what happened... By seeing things I could have lived my entire life without seeing...

But I don't know what to do now that I've seen them... Gone through them...

It doesn't seem like going to sleep is the answer even though I know rest is important... Especially right now...

I need to be resting and making sure to stay hydrated right now, and not just for me...

I have to do it for the baby too...

It's not just about taking care of myself and taking care of Silas anymore...

It's about making sure that my body is a balanced and happy place for the teeny tiny life inside of me that is depending on me to take care of us both...

Even if it might not be easy due to having a bunch of hyper energy descend upon me thanks to the crying session Daddy and I just had in the kitchen...

...

Silas

...

Addy is fidgety... And I can't exactly blame him for feeling so restless after everything we just had to go through... Even if the same everything left me feeling more exhausted than anything else...

I know everyone reacts differently to different kinds of stress, I just wish that my Sweetheart would be able to relax for his own sake, before he drops and crashes, which won't be good for him or for our little nugget...

And I need for them to be okay.

I need for our family to be okay, and to feel and know that they are taken care of and that I'll do everything I can to keep our family and our pack safe.

No matter what.

No matter what happened today to Pop and Ma and no matter who finds their way onto our territory...

At the very least... I can keep everyone else safe... Now that I know there is a possible threat I can do everything I can to keep everyone safe.

I may have been too late to help Pop and prevent him from being hurt...

But now he's being looked after and stable... He isn't gone, and I still don't like him as a person...

At least he's alive though... And has good odds of recovering from what I was last told... Ma too...

There isn't much that I can really do to soothe my Addy-Baby... And even less I can do to soothe myself...

The one thing I can do though... Is pull him closer and time our breathing until it's in sync and he follows me as I lead him into deeper breaths and hopefully a slower heartbeat... My hand rubbing his back slowly as the two of us wait for the bed to start feeling actually comfortable... Though I'm not sure it will with both of our minds so full and buzzing...

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A.N.-  Thank you all for the kind words you left on the last chapter, I really appreciate all of you being so sweet.