Thicker Than Ink

Sixty Four (18+)

**TRIGGER WARNING: Authors note at the bottom has content that may be triggering for some readers. Mentions of pregnancy loss.**

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Adrian

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It feels impossible not to notice how needy Silas is right now... Normally I would try to at least munch my sandwich, or half a sandwich this time, on my own just because it's easier for us to maneuver than him trying to help me...

But even if we weren't connected so closely mentally and leaning on each other at the moment I would be able to see it in his eyes... My beautifully strong mate is breaking and he needs to feel needed and useful right now... He needs to feel as though he's taking care of his family after a long and stressful day filled with so much pain and so much hurt...

So when he starts cutting bites of my half of the sandwich with the fork from my salad and the butter knife he had carried over to the table to cut the sandwich... I only question it long enough to figure out what his intentions are before leaning into him and letting him spear the first bite of the egg sandwich to lift it to my lips with such a concerned look on his face... And then I open my mouth and let him continue to feed me, and our baby currently floating tucked away deep in my belly.

He isn't the only one who needs this though... I can't help but feel like if he weren't helping me right now that I wouldn't be able to eat... Just from all of the traumatic chaos causing a serious case of stress-tummy...

That's one of the most beautiful parts of our relationship though... To me anyway...

That our needs compliment each other so much of the time...

Right now I need encouragement to eat and so does he... He's making sure to feed himself a bite for every bite he feeds me because he knows I'll worry if he doesn't... And I'm accepting the bites he's giving me because I know both me and the baby need it, and I know he'll worry all night if I don't too... Our methods of supporting each other may be different...

He may need to be Daddy, and I may need to be Daddy's Princess...

But underneath it all... We are more than willing to take care of ourselves and lean on each other for the sake of each other... For the health of us both... And for the balance of our relationship and dynamic...

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Silas

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It takes me by surprise when Adrian starts to fidget in my lap after the first few bites of our shared sandwich... But I settle down when he does... His face upturned to look at me better and offer me the softest of smiles when he catches my eyes with his baby blues... His words are softly spoken but so genuine it makes my chest hurt with how badly I want to squeeze him tight to my chest and never let him go...

"I love you so fucking much, Silas... So so much."

It's not dramatic... Or overdrawn...

Just simple and to the point... And it breaks the dam holding back my tears and I feel myself falling apart around him all over again like I had in the bedroom under the bed... But I know it's okay, just like it was earlier...

I'm safe...

I'm safe here with my baby in my arms and our baby inside of him... All of us are safe and together...

And there isn't anything wrong with crying when you need to cry... Addy has reinforced that time and time again that I'm okay to be emotional when I need to be emotional, and that he isn't going to judge me for it...

He keeps his word, just like always... Even though the breakdowns today are so much more intense than any other I've had... My Addy-Baby manages to wiggle himself just a bit more to be able to wrap his arms around me in a tight hug... The kind of hug that keeps your pieces from falling apart when you can't seem to hold them together all by yourself ot with your normal amount of support...

He cries with me... And together we just sit here... In the kitchen in the middle of the night letting out more and more of the tension that has filled us up so completely throughout the day... Crying and holding each other... Until eventually no more tears see willing to come out of our eyes...

I don't know how long it takes and I'm not sure I even care enough to bother checking the time on the stove... I just know that when I'm finally able to respond to my sweet Angel of a mate... My throat is so was it makes both of us jump...

"I-I love you t-too, Princess..."

I get one more squeeze from my beautiful mate before he starts to pull away, "I know you do, Daddy... Now, why don't I get us some water? And tissues? Then we can go lay down and cuddle.

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**Reminder: Trigger Warning- Mention of miscarriage**

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A.N.- Hello all, I know it's been a very very long few months, and I am so sorry about that.

This story had become too painful to write for a little while... You see, even though I'm a trans man... I really want to be and look forward to being a parent, and a few months ago, I was pregnant and my family and I were extremely excited about it. I felt super close to them, as well as close to Adrian in this book specifically because I was going to be able to draw from my own experience to enrich the story with all the quirky things that pop up being a " seahorse Dad" (that's a cute term for trans men who carry the pregnancies in their family unit in real life)...

Unfortunately, though, we lost the baby and I have had a very hard time coping with the loss. I feel like things have just not been the same, and like they never will be again... But I also feel like maybe I'm starting to accept that and heal.

On another note, after our loss, I also had Covid and I am still recovering from it, even now, just over a month later.

It has unfortunately affected my energy levels, but luckily my breathing seems to finally be starting to get a bit easier. I'm hoping to start posting regularly again soon.

Thank you so much for being patient with me, I really appreciate it so much.