Thicker Than Ink

Sixty One

At first, when my eyes open I find myself more than a little bit confused over the darkness surrounding me and the fluffiness between my fingers... The tightness of the cramped space I'm somehow crammed in so strange that for a few moments I am so perplexed over finding myself here that I almost don't remember...

I almost don't remember that this is where I ran to when we got home after... After everything happened... After I could still smell Pop's... Pop... on the wind wafting from the backyard...

It doesnt take long to register my surroundings after it starts coming back to me... But it doesn't explain the silky fuzz under my fingers... Until that silkiness starts to shift around following me when I roll onto my back to give my aching side a break from the unrelenting hardness of the floor... And I recognize the warmth fluff right next to me as my Addy-Baby... Still shifted and very much asleep... Right next to me... On the floor... Right where he shouldn't be...

Guilt floods me when I stare at him... Both of us uncovered, him still shifted and seemingly unbothered by the chilly hardness underneath him that is our bedroom floor... His fur so dark that it's almost impossible to make out his features down here in the middle of the night...

He shouldn't be on the floor...

I should have known better... I should have known that he would have followed me down here and that he would stay down here with me even after I fell asleep... I should have known better than to stay down here instead of getting up and getting into bed...  I should have gotten us off the floor and at least onto the bed where it's softer and likely a lot more comfortable even if we weren't tucked in...

It's not as though I can take it back at this point, and I know it... And I know the next best thing to having not slept down here in the first place is to get us up and into bed now to try and negate the achy backs I already feel like we're both going to have...

It's hard though... Wanting to move when down here feels so strangely safe and secure for me... Our bedroom seeming more intimidating than it ever has been before... It feels too open... As if when I leave and get out from under our bed that I'll actually have to face what happened yesterday...

But I know that even if it's open... It doesn't necessarily need to feel like something scary... I know I won't be alone... Addy is right here with me, and he's made it very clear over and over again that he never plans on going anywhere... He won't ever leave my side and I'm aware of that... And somehow knowing that makes it easier to stomach the thought of getting out from under the bed in order to face our lives and everything currently going on in it...

I know that as long as the two of us are together that in the end things will all be okay... We've always taken care of each other and I know we will continue to do so no matter what... Because there isn't anything in this world that could ever make me walk away from him... I need him just as much as I need my wolf... He's part of me... And I'm part of him... And our little family is going to be the perfect blend of both of us...

Letting my thoughts flow around and focus on the sleeping form of my still shifted mate brings me more comfort than I actually expected it to... Not that I'm complaining...It just makes me appreciate him that much more... And I find myself taking a moment to loosen the grip that I have on Addy's fur so I can release him from our snuggle... Only just long enough to wake him by letting my fingers and palm trail themselves down his midnight coat... His beautiful peepers peering up at me in confusion when he finally comes around... His confusion of waking up down here just as understandable as my own... Maybe even more so since it wasn't his idea to come down here anyway...

...

Adrian

...

My eyes don't want to open... But I know that it's Daddy trying to get me to wake up... And I know he wouldn't wake me up for nothing... Not when it's this dark... Even if things don't necessarily make sense in the few moments it takes for my brain to really come back online... My biggest conundrum for a few seconds being the question of why I'm shifted...

For a second or two, I consider that maybe the stress of the day triggered me to shift in my sleep so my wolf could keep us just a bit safer... Something that started happening after my parent's accident and didn't stop for a long time until I got help for my anxiety... But the muddled mess that made up the bulk of the static in my brain clears just enough for me to remember that no...

I didn't shift because of my stress or anxiety... I shifted to comfort Daddy... Because he needed a good cry...

And no matter how much my joints hurt from being curled up under the bed the way we have been all night I don't think I could ever bring myself to regret doing just what I did... Which is comforting my mate in the way he needed to receive comfort...

Even if that comfort came in the form of snuggling on the floor under the bed because that's where he felt safest at the time... The small details don't matter though...

All that matters is that he knows that I'm here and that he isn't alone... And that he won't ever be alone...