Thicker Than Ink

Five

"Slow, Princess... One fry at a time... Please..." As rugged and tough as my sweet Daddy is, at the end of the day he is very much still my sweet Daddy... The man who worries that I might accidentally hurt myself inhaling the sweet potato fries that taste so much better than usual, the tone of the day making everything seem like so much more than it actually is... One of the happiest days of our lives and it only keeps getting better the longer I think about it and the more it dawns on me that in a couple months we will have a teeny tiny Ashwood that we made all on our own... All itty-bitty and perfect... And wrapped up all nice and warm because their Mama absolutely will finish all of the crochet projects he has in mind before their arrival... 

"But it tastes good, Daddy! And no one eats fries one at a time. Can it be like two? Two at a time? With a bite of burger in between?" The look on Silas's face as he narrows his eyes at me tells me that he's only a step or two away from cutting up my burger for me so he can feed it to me bite by bite with his own fork to make sure I don't inhale it the way that I want to... Not that he's really wrong... I probably shouldn't take bites as big as I have been... And maybe I should slow down on my fries... If I run out I know I'll end up reaching for Daddy's and I want him to actually eat them... Which he hasn't been with his mind apparently preoccupied with making sure that I'm careful with myself... Because I'm pregnant... And Daddy's feeling protective... 

And him feeling protective makes me feel all wiggly and happy inside... So much so that I almost can't resist the urge to wiggle my hip even while in his lap... So much so that I almost don't care if I resist the urge because if he gets hard it just means he'll be ready to make love when we get back to the house and I want to feel his hands on my body, and his lips pressing against mine with a smile and tears because we're finally starting our family... Because he loves me... And I love him.

...

Silas

...

"Two french fries, and then burger bites... But Daddy would really appreciate it if maybe you could sip your lemonade in between bites?", Wrapped up in the stress of the conference and everything else going on my mind hadn't had time to register that once Addy was pregnant pregnant that things would need to be different... Like yes... Food wise and activity wise I knew it would not be the same because my like Sugar Snap is so delicate, but I hadn't truly anticipated the fact that everything would suddenly be terrifying to me... Right down to the way he's enjoying his food... 

It feels like I can't trust him to chew it properly while he's smiling so hard... And that he's taking bites that are too big... I don't want him to choke... Or to even get close to choking... I know that it's a weird thing to want to help him with but I can't even pick up my own burger to actually start eating it because I'm stressing out over the fact that he just put six french fries in his mouth at once and was having too much fun chewing them... I don't want to tell him how to eat... And I know I must sound unreasonable... But the fries are so crispy... He could get hurt... And he's pregnant... And that means it would be twice as bad...

I think my sweet Bean understands that I'm not trying to be controlling or rude... And it's not really about the fact that he's eating the same way he would normally eat whenever he's in a good mood, some bites being checked momentarily so he can twist himself just a little bit to tuck himself right under my chin to give my chest or the crook of my neck a kiss and a nuzzle before he resumes his happy chewing... 

It's not that he shouldn't be happy... Or that I'm not happy... I'm just anxious... And trying to figure out how to best care for him in the new and planned situation we find ourselves in... 

It's absolutely adorable... But also nerve-wracking because what if he doesn't chew his food enough with all that wiggling going on? I had offered and wanted to feed him, if only to dote on him a bit and make him feel all sweet and cared for...But he's so happy and excited... And when he looked up at me to tell me it was his turn to feed the baby since I had fed him our shared breakfast just like I usually do when we wake up together... And I had nearly melted on the spot from the way he seems to have figured out how to make his beautiful blue eyes meet mine with such purpose... Even if it is still only long enough for him to ask for what he wants before following the urge to look away...

I couldn't say no to him... Not when I know how much effort it's taken him to get to the point where he can do it without his wolf causing so much of an immediate response to try and make him look anywhere but my eyes... Which is also how he ended up with an extra thick vanilla milkshake sitting right next to his lemonade that he's been eating with a spoon as a palate cleanser... His true intention of dumping his lemonade into the shake once there's enough room maybe one of the cutest thoughts I've ever seen form in his head just from how he had gotten so internally excited over pairing the sweet with the tart... And the way he had compared it to the two of us... That it balances each other out... 

He almost made me cry, and I had needed to buckle down and hold him tight, my head resting in the crook of his neck until the food actually got to the table... 

Which we both loved every second of...The kisses given to his tender marks in those moments ones that expressed so much more than I could ever say out loud... It let him know that I am excited about our news... Just that my emotions are all heightened at the moment in a slightly overwhelming way and I need time to work through all of the fears I have that I won't be a good Papa...