Thicker Than Ink

Twenty Nine

"One more bite? For Daddy, Princess... Come on..."  it hadn't taken long for Addy's migraine to set in... But when it did he managed to tell me just before I dumped a spoonful of sugar into his bowl and was able to redirect towards adding a few more slices of banana and extra berries to make sure that it wouldn't be bland or necessarily unsweetened... And so far he's been a good boy and eaten every bite that I've fed him... The issue is the fact that it hasn't been that many bites and he's already tired and wanting to turn away from the spoon as he starts to get fussy with me for trying to convince him to just take a little bit more before he swallows his vitamins. 

My words are greeted with a whimper that almost breaks my heart, and I have to set the spoon back in the bowl so I can pull him just a bit closer to me, which proves hard with how tangled our legs currently are... Breakfast in bed normally is something we both enjoy but right now I feel like an ass trying to coax him into eating when I know he doesn't feel good... My poor little Bean just wants to head back to sleep... And since I've already let Liam know that I'd be more of a danger than any real good to the crew right now I fully intend to follow him... My sleepless night weighing heavier and heavier on my shoulders as we try and work through this sluggish morning just long enough to make it to naptime for us both. 

...

Adrian

...

"D-Daddy, I... I don't want it... No more, please..." I know that having to eat oatmeal is not something worth crying over... I know that Silas just spent the last forty minutes at the stove waiting for the oats I like to get soft enough... And that he made sure to put enough fruit in it for me... But it still doesn't change the fact that moving my jaw just enough to pop the blueberries in my mouth sends waves of pain radiating through my skull as the pressure inside my head continues to build, my ears ringing as I contemplate asking Daddy to shut the curtains to see if maybe the bowl he's holding in my lap seems more appealing when I'm not having to keep my eyes almost completely shut in order to not be tortured by the daylight... 

"Baby, you've got to have something in your belly before you take the vitamins or it could upset your stomach... Just one more bite and then we can get those vitamins in you and take a nice long nap... Please... I... I don't want you sick to your stomach on top of the migraine, Beautiful..." The words are sweet and I know that he's right... But there isn't any guarantee that I'll be able to actually sleep, and it doesn't seem fair to torture myself by trying to chew...

This is important though... Because I know right now I'm not eating for just me anymore, and I know that those vitamins are important. I know that I need to try and eat and I need to take my vitamins even though I'm nervous about even thinking about taking a drink of anything even though I know Daddy knows that it needs to be tepid for me to be able to swallow a drink when I'm like this... Migraine days don't happen often, but so far whenever they've cropped up Silas has always been right here next to me, taking care of me and making sure I get plenty of rest... 

This time is a bit different though and I know it... He doesn't know it yet... But that's only because before now I've been able to take my medicine and ride it out by holding Silas's hand... This would be like before though... Before I convinced Grammy that I needed to see a Doctor for what she had thought was only headaches and tried to write off... I used to cry so hard because it felt like my head was trying to explode... And I haven't had a single episode since she caved and made me an appointment where I've had to not take the medicine... I've not had to face that same extreme since I was a kid and now I'm facing one and... And it scares me a little bit... 

I know I won't be alone... And I know that Silas won't leave me all alone like Grammy used to when she thought I was over-exaggerating... That he'll stay here and coddle me and care for me even though he should be on the other side of the house working on the library and the nursery so that they'll get finished before the baby gets here... But that doesn't mean that there isn't a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit threatening to choke me with how nervous I am over the thought of having my head throb this hard all frigging day... 

...

Silas

...

It's hesitant... But eventually, Addy untucks his face from where he's hidden it in the crook of my neck, his lips wandering around trying to find his favorite mark that he's given me that he likes to suck on when he's feeling overwhelmed and consents to my urging of just one more bite, half of what I had originally intended to be on the spoon being nudged back into the bowl to at least kind of meet him halfway in the middle...

I wish I could give a sigh of relief watching him tug the oats and berries off the spoon, but as he re-hides his face in order to gain some peace while chewing all I feel is a heavy aching in my chest knowing that today is going to be a long day... Just as long as last night's long night... It sucks... And it doesn't feel fair... And it's hard to watch my sweet Bean feel so fussy and fragile all at the same time...

But just like last night was just one of those nights... Today is just one of those days... 

And we'll get through it together, just like we always do.