Thicker Than Ink

Thirty Three

"This is disgusting." The way Silas says the words around his mouthful of bread egg and melty melty cheese makes me doubt that even he believes the words coming out of his mouth, the way he makes me laugh harder at his antics when he swallows and then proceeds to take an even bigger bite than the one that was just in his mouth, "So much cheese... Ugh..."

So much cheese... But he's the one who all but dumped half the jar of queso on his plate after starting the fire in the fireplace and hunkering down... His butt was barely in the recliner before he had already taken a bite... I hadn't even sat down yet... 

We haven't really had a need to make these sandwiches on our own really... Once or twice when we kept getting negatives back on every pregnancy test I convinced myself to pee on... But never just because we had a bad day following a bad night... Somehow it feels nice though... To know that some days we can just sit here in front of the fire and eat an entire week's worth of sodium in one sitting together just because we want the comfort... But still, "If you don't like it, don't eat it, Daddy. You can go back to having carrots if you want."

...

Silas

...

"I- Hey. I didn't say I didn't like it. Just... that I'm aware of what I'm eating and the fact that it should not taste as good as it tastes inside my mouth." My answer elicits one of the most precious snorts I've ever heard, Addy lifting his sweet face just high enough to steal a kiss from me in between his own bites... The cheeky smile he gives me when he pulls away and decides to like a dollop of queso fro where it's oozed onto his hand... The motion he makes with his tongue letting me know that he is well aware that I'm watching the warm wet digit as he cleans up the spot to avoid letting it drop into his lap or onto the carpet... My knee bouncing just a little bit underneath his sweet butt to let him know that I know what he's doing and that his sassiness is just as obvious as he's hoping it is. 

 It's refreshing to see him feeling okay enough to be cheeky with me and to throw sass around like he knows he has me wrapped around his pinky, which in all fairness... He does... 

I just am glad that his migraine has subsided enough for him to remember how to smile, the two of us becoming more and more at ease with each other as we continue taking bite after bite of the monstrously made egg sandwiches that he loves to indulge in when he's had a bad day... The sodium in the cheese on my plate alone nearly overwhelming with how my brain keeps trying to tell me I don't have enough despite the fact that I know I have more than enough already smothering the sandwich currently clutched in my fist, Adrian being more than adorable each time he points out how much I seem to be enjoying this despite the fact that every time these make an appearance I tell him that it's the last time we do it and that we need to find him a new comfort food... 

It's processed and salty and spicy and rich... And I can understand why it makes him feel a bit better which is why I know that I'll never actually deny him the treat since he doesn't make a habit of eating this way often... Just on days where his soul aches and he needs the warm touch of processed cheese dip in order to feel better... As long as he still manages to eat a few vegetables here and there like we did earlier I really don't see us trying to avoid making these gooey strange concoctions that he enjoys so much. 

...

Adrian

...

"If you want we can make another one and split it before we move on to ice cream? I think it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world since we really haven't eaten all day." It's kind of cute the way Silas looks at me surprised, the two of us both knowing that I'm not normally the one who asks for seconds, especially when I've already got our desert planned out in my mind, my need for chocolate and comfort at the moment both about to be taken care of in the way of ice cream with a candy bar broken up on top... 

I know that maybe it's not the best decision in the whole wide world to comfort eat, but at the moment, the two of us have had a long day... And all I want to do is have familiar tastes in my mouth as we cuddle and my sweet Daddy just holds me for a little while... 

Needing to be held is something I can never get enough of on any given day... But right now it feels even more important than usual that Silas hold me close so we can both cherish the way we make each other feel, and offer comfort to each other when it's so clear that we both need it so bad... Touch is an important part of bonding for us, and it seems that it's also an important part of healing for us too... And I don't think I would want it any other way... Not with how special it feels for the two of us to be recovering this way... 

"I don't know if that's the best idea, Princess... But if you're still hungry I won't mind... But you've got to let me man the stove this time. I don't want your fingers burned, Sugar Pop." He says the words like we don't both know that the only reason I'd possibly burn my fingers is because he still hasn't replaced the stove... Something I'm not sure will ever happen because deep down... Silas actually does love to cook... And I know that watching me eat what he makes makes him happy... And who am I to really argue with that?

"Okay, Daddy, but only if you're hungry too."