Catfishing Castiel

15. Texting & Tardiness

I came home angry and absolutely exhausted after I had run away from Castiel. My hands couldn't even stop itself from loudly shutting the door as I thrashed my uniform off.

My chest heaved as I fell on my bed shirtless. The weight and constant stiffness in my body was apparent now as I felt like sobbing again. The text, Luka, Rigby, the bills, my mom, my job, nothing was easy.

Nothing in my life was a joy to speak about anymore.

To be quite honest, it's been awhile since I've felt genuinely happy. I may have felt it through tiny momentary instances and glimmers that offered me an insight into the envied mood, but genuine happiness sounded like an unreachable dream. A dream I was getting tired of hoping for, wishing for.

I couldn't help but question as to why everyone around me felt like sunlight hitting through a window, their rays of happiness highlighting me, the dust floating in and out, shifting around the room with no purpose.

I've always been told that life throws you challenges to make you stronger, but what if I'm all out of energy to keep hoping for the best?

I give up. I get it okay? I'm undeserving of all the good things I thought I was able to feel and achieve. I'm done trying to leave my lane paved for me. The lane, the position, my title role as the person who always gets stepped on but still smiles in fear of rubbing off my sadness to another person.

Everyone deserves to be happy but me.

Tears flooded down my face as it's been the only thing I've mostly been doing. Crying was the only thing that made me feel less numb. When I cried I was able to feel every part of my body come together like an instrument. Every limb, swollen throat, stuffy eyes, and open mouth coming together to express what I felt inside.

Without any warning, the darkness that filled up my cold messy room suddenly yielded to a bright searing light.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes as I roughly sniffed, squinting trying to process the sudden brightness. I clicked my mouth in annoyance, carelessly rolling over my bed like a walrus to reach over to my beaming phone.

A new message from exros12

I tiredly yawned as I plopped my phone back down without any hesitation, getting ready to sleep as I wished Rigby was with me to keep me warm.

Wait.

Wait a damn minute.

Upon sudden realization, my entire body quickly shot back up with adrenaline, my eyes flickering open.

It couldn't be.

There was no way.

I sharply exhaled as I reached back towards my phone, refusing to believe what I just saw.

"Hey Desiree. Beautiful name. I don't think sharing your feelings are weird so don't worry." Castiel's text read, causing every bit of oxygen to leave my system.

I chewed on my lips as I read his message over and over again.

This is bad.

This is really, really bad.

Why is he answering? This isn't supposed to be happening! What do I do? I can't actually catfish him, that's too risky.

"Really? You don't think so?" I asked as texting Castiel felt equally as terrifying than being around him in real life.

"Everyone's feelings are valid :)"

I looked out into the dark in disbelief. Did Castiel just use a smiley face?