Catfishing Castiel

33. Pictures & Poses

I was trying to so hard to calm myself down as my chest was getting filled up by an invisible siphon. My mind was locked into a euphoric trance as well as the fading pleasures I was feeling because of him.

We continued down the school halls as I skimmed my eyes over the countless glass compartments with a small smile, observing over the dusty trophies and framed pictures and medals like I cared.

Obviously the only thing I cared about right now was the person walking beside me, but to help combat my nerves and the extreme butterflies I was feeling, I had to draw my attention to something else other than him.

"So where's your next class at?" I ask while glancing down at Castiel's arm brushing up against mine.

"The art building." Our eyes eventually meet as he shrugs. "You?"

"Upstairs of this building." My voice grew softer.

"Oh." His response was quiet and barely audible.

"Yea." My lips pursed with a hidden sigh as I didn't want to be away from him just yet but maybe he felt the opposite. "I-I guess I'll just see you around then."

I turned around and prepared a brisk stride towards the steps, only to be stopped by a firm grip that effortlessly wrapped around my wrist.

"Wait." Castiel lightly scratches his cheek with a pointer finger, refusing to look back at me as I wondered why. "I was hoping to break this pattern for a day."

"What pattern?" I shook my head as I stared at him confused.

"Like all this school shit." Castiel murmured, burying his hands into his pocket.

I take a moment to examine his eyes which seemed to entail something but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. "What do you mean? Like skip a class?"

Castiel's lips tilted as his usually assertive voice began to crack down a few decibels. "More like saying fuck it and skipping the entire day." He spoke, refusing to look back at me now for some reason.

"T-the entire day?" I aimlessly let out in worry as I had never done that before.

He took awhile to answer as I began to notice a shift in his usually dominating demeanor. "It's okay if you're not down, I can just walk you to your class and I'll lea-"

"I'm down." I interrupted him with a warm reassuring look at his bashful sapphires.

"Really?"

"Yea." I nodded. "Besides, I am kinda over this pattern too."

"Alright then, I promise I'll take you to work later so I'm not too much of a bad influence." He winked as I just shook my head with a disapproving laugh.

"After what we just pulled in that janitor's closet, I think it's way too late for all of that." I teased as we eventually continued pass the hallway to begin walking out into the exit.

While walking beside him and occasionally looking at each other with tiny smiles and playful winces, I couldn't help but ask myself one thing.

I wonder if Castiel ever feels as nervous as me.

To be quite honest, I can't help but wonder what could possibly ever make Castiel nervous. I was terrified over the fact that he can't say the same for me. He knows why I'd be nervous, why I'd feel and think the way I do. Oddly enough, coinciding with the cold terror was an undertone of warm comfort. It's never been there before but for some reason it was. It's still quite small, unable to classify as progress in whatever this was since I wasn't sure if it was growing or fleeting. The comfort was something I kinda wished wouldn't end because for once I was starting to feel worthy of it, like maybe I do deserve to be happy? It felt as if the balance of my life has always been tipped against my favor until now, being placed right where it should be, where everything is equal and just.