I Want To Unlove You

chapter 56

Geetha's pov :

Many thoughts were running inside me.
I was mentally disturbed hearing all the things reagarding my husband being a best couple with another girl.

With raging mind I walked towards the parking lot directly because I want to hold my husband.

Atleast look at me with my own eyes and assure myself that he is here...along with me and will be only mine , but not as someone else's as everyone proclaimed.
I need to calm my heart which is beating so hard against my chest with anxiousness I am feeling.

I am feeling insecure... because subconsciously even I can't deny that they are so compatible with eachother.
They look so beautiful...even with bitter heart I can't help but say that they look like made for each other but I don't want to say that...atleast when my heart is screaming in pain when my subconscious is saying this.
I can't break my heart again...I can't go throught another ordeal of getting away from my Adi again.

I want him and feel that he is mine...like I am his , forever and ever.

From the time we had married he never showed me that he cared about me.
Honestly he even ignored my very presence from the very first day of our marriage.

But I can't forget him...neither unlove him.

Loving me was so addictive , I addicted to it without me knowing it until I was so drowned in it that I can't reverse it not now nor never.
My heart will never stop loving him.
Loving him is like my heart pumping blood to whole body, me breathing , me sensing the coold breeze when I stand on terrace.
So totally it became a part of me which I can never leave...it wasn't unwanted one too because I did it and doing it with my own will...from the bottom of my heart.
And I am little selfish to expect him to love me back, even if it is just the small bits, I still crave for his love every second even when I don't say it out.

Adi...he is the beautiful thing happened to me. His presence made me shiver under his glance when he looks at me intently. He made me feel all the tingles and butterflies I had only read in novel.
I believed that they were just the adjectives the authors use to describe or over exaggerate things to grab attention from readers.

But I experienced them personally when he kissed me , when he hugged me , when we danced for the first time...it happened before I even realised my love for him.

And I thought love will not stay life long as I saw many people who claimed to love their partners either betray them or live with them even when they stop feeling the same love they felt before , they lost the spark between them.

But I can now say that it's different for each person or to the extent we love the other person.

I don't think when we feel so strong towards him...it will fade away.
It was my futile attempt to try to UNLOVE him when I very well know it won't happen.

But now I am feeling alive again.
When I came here I know he don't want me here...but deep down I felt it will be worth it.
So I am not going to back out just because of my silly fears of him not loving me.
I don't want to repeat the thing happened to us before.
I want us to stay together....but happily.
Not like an obligation.

After coming here I atleast tried to show my affections by my actions even if it wasn't vocally.
I didn't said I love you to him yet but in my way taking care of him...worrying about him when he was late to come home , cooking his favourite dishes more oftenly was my way of showing love to him.

I wonder why I am not saying it yet when my heart literally screams I LOVE YOU at the top of my voice everytime I see him.

Recalling all these I had a bitter sweet smile on my face.
I was unsure about what future holds.